The Book of Coaching for Extraordinary Coaches
Coaches have the power to create a ripple effects of transformation within people’s lives and ministries. They reveal the greatness within clients where they experience more impact, more beauty, and more abundance as they design the kind of life they dream of.
The Book of Coaching for Extraordinary Coaches provides insights on ways to ignite lasting transformation for anyone who wants to step into their power and become the best version of themselves. Specifically, this book describes 3 critical elements of becoming an extraordinary coach with an extraordinary business - You, Your Methodologies, and Your Business. In this blog, I'm going to focus on the "you" and a few methodologies which I'll refer to as principles, practices or systems.
Create a Better Version of Yourself
- How can I schedule my time in ways I can go deep every day, and if not, every week?
- Could I set aside an entire month every year to focus on deep work?
- What are creative ways to create space for deep work on a regular basis?
- What would I need to reduce or eliminate to create space for deep work?
- Treasured time - trips, time with friends and family, special occasions, hobbies, and other live-giving activities.
- Investment time - anything that supports my personal and professional development and builds capacities such as reading books, listening to podcasts, attending conferences, mastering new skills, etc.
- Marketing time - this includes writing, speaking, training, and coaching activities.
- Execution time - brief, focused tasks that often include phone calls, emailing, texting, managing paperwork, running errands, etc.
How willing are you to change?
- Who were you then?
- Who are you now?
- What are the skills and that has brought you to this point in your life?
- What other skills have you accumulated areas other than coaching?
- Then, ask yourself “Where do I want to be 3 from now?”
Review Your Beliefs
- How has the culture that you were born into, grew up in, and currently live and work in, limiting what’s possible for you?
- How are your current assumptions, attitudes, actions, and approaches working for you?
- What role does gratitude, giving, and forgiveness play in your overall happiness?
- Are the goals you set related to friends, family, faith, fitness, finances, fun, and the future the right ones?
- Am you as concerned about creating a better future for yourself as you are for others?
- I set daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and yearly goals that I've found to be very helpful. I used to set goals for each decade of my life. Should I try that again? What's your history and background about setting goals and being consistently intentional?
- What role does fear play in the choices you make in life and when you're coaching?
Prepare Emotionally to Coach
- 1 | Enthusiasm. What is the attitude that you bring to your live and written or recorded interactions? What is the energy behind your emails, your networking events and workshops? Your vibe shifts everything. Enthusiasm is contagious and can even transform the outcome of your enrollment conversations with potential clients.
- 2 | Courage. Your willingness to share your voice, your opinion, and how you serve your clients, unapologetically. It includes the risks you are willing to take in your business.
- 3 | Curiosity. This is a deep understanding and need to know more. It’s about wanting to understand why, to pursue the unknown, gain a different perspective or a different thought process, with a sense of openness and expansion.
- 4 | Vulnerability. Celebrate the things that makes you human – including the imperfections and the mistakes. Being vulnerable builds trust, and highlights your unique personality, gifts and talents.
Principles and Practices that Impact Coaching
- The client is the expert, not the coach. Coaches draw out the wisdom, creativity and yearnings of the client.
- The client sets the agenda. Coaches learn to dance with the client as they follow the client’s lead.
- The client is responsible for their outcomes and results.
- Build rapport. Your client needs to feel comfortable sharing their deepest fears and challenges with you. Create a climate of trust and avoid doing anything that would break it.
- Set clear Intentions. When you don’t set clear intentions at the start of your journey with a new client, you’re opening yourself up to all kinds of trouble. I usually ask the following questions when meeting with a new client: What are the outcomes we are expecting out of this coaching agreement or coaching session? What is the vision for our collective work? How will we get the results? How will we connect and engage during our time together? Are you a 100 % committed to this coaching experience? I've recently begun asking : Are you willing to NOT let your fear or anything else get in the way of your preferred future?
- Be fully present. Staying present, at all times, is challenging. I create rituals before and during a session that help me remain present.
- Be fully you. When a client decides to work with you, they have decided to work with you. Not someone else. Not someone you’re pretending to be. So, bring your WHOLE self to the table.
- Be brave. Being brave in your coaching allows you to ask questions that you would otherwise be hesitant to ask.
- It’s not About You … …or about what you think is right. It’s not about your systems and strategies or how good you are at what you do. Check your ego. It’s about the client. Their dreams. Their challenges. Their beliefs. Their lives. You are there to serve them. You are there to help them. Never forget that.
- Don’t Judge and don't assume. Most of my regrets in coaching relationships or sessions are a result of doing one or both of these things. My beliefs are not neutral and the assumptions I make can be completely off-based. I need to be aware of these biases when coaching.
Create Better Systems
- My daily routine. For me, the secret to my success is found in my daily routine. If I am to master my day, I need to infuse each day with a series of rituals and practices that help me do what matters, build capacities, and support ongoing transformation in my life and those who I connect with each day.
- My plans for tomorrow. Part of my daily routine includes spending 20 minutes at night mapping out plans for the next day. This has been a game changer for me in seeking to start strong everyday, and to create my list of a most important tasks (MITs) that include a series of sprints and design projects.
- A funnel system for generating new clients and resourcing current and past clients.
- An onboarding system that sets the stage for a trusting relationship, clear norms and expectations, when the relationship will be reviewed, etc.
- A better business plan. It’s been long time since I’ve updated my plan and it needs refreshing. I need a mentor, a coach, and an accountability partner to do this well.
QUESTIONS | APPLICATIONS
- How does being an extraordinary coach look like for you?
- How is fear or your self-imposed limitations preventing you from being extraordinary?
- How do you help yourself and the people you coach schedule time for sprints and deep work?
- What impact does your culture and upbringing have on your coaching?
- What habits do you need to embed in your life? In your coaching practice?
- What principles, practices, and processes are you embedding into your coaching?
Jim: this is a very wise and helpful post.
I am planning to work regularly with a counsellor as I'm developing this coaching practice to intentionally confront the limiting beliefs and narratives that are barriers to imagining a thriving future.
As well, Jim's list of life-wisdom here - particularly around taking time to invest in specific areas - is so helpful. Marking and making time for each of these would pay dividends, and develop a set of habits that allows for sustainable health and flourishing.
There are a lot of great nuggets here - this could be several blog posts. I really enjoy the idea of segmenting my time into those four key areas. There is not only a productivity and value difference when using these guidelines to set time allotments, but when running your own business (rather than being an employee) these guidelines become essential in order to be successful. I have started leaving two blocks of time each week without any meetings for what I call "project" work or that deeper creative work. It is both super effective time as well as much more fulfilling time.
For me being an extraordinary coach will look like being authentic, fully present, and have great listening skills. I will be practicing faith over fear for my coaching practice. I want to trust that God has called me to this and that He will continue leading and guiding me. The concept of sprints and deep work are new for me I will need to think about how I will put these into practice. I am sure that my culture and upbringing will impact my coaching practice because I had challenges growing up and I think that will help me be more relatable to others. Habits that I need to add to my life more goal setting for myself and for my practice. My coaching practice will be bathed in prayer.
The last two years I've spent a lot of time imagining better ways of living and leading. I've gotten better about prioritizing my time. I think the "4 time" categories could be a helpful addition to that. I've done a couple solo retreats for "design time" and I think I may do that again this year as I found it to be incredibly productive and yet also felt like Sabbath because I had no real interruptions and could also take breaks to nap, hike, or read for pleasure too. As we come to the end of this coaching course, while I've learned a lot that will be useful in a variety of settings, at the moment I don't see myself opening a coaching practice. But I will certainly use some coaching techniques in my travel business, with my kids, and with church councils and congregations I may serve.
Jim, I am very similar to you in my goal planning. With the major areas, daily, weekly, monthly, yearly and decade goals for a 100 year life plan. I believe God is focusing me on a niche of people who want to dream into their second half of life as a gift from God to be on a mission to serve Him, perhaps, in a different mode of operandi.
My hope is to be coach that LISTENS WELL first, ASKS POWERFUL QUESTIONS, and thirdly, FOLLOW THEIR LEAD to live out a dream that was maybe vague or not clearly defined, into clear goals like described above. For me to be a great coach, is to be very intentional in laying out that hope and executing the steps that get them to their preferred future.
I need to do the DEEP WORK, in crafting my LIFE PLAN in detail, craft a Life Plan Template for clients, and then do my deep work daily, weekly, monthly and yearly with blocks of time that create the sabbath space for the deep work.
Being an extraordinary coach looks like every client moving forward and having shifts that help them live more fully into who they are.
I typically do not allow fear to hinder me from trying new things and setting bigger goals. However, I do have a fear when it comes to self-promotion. Getting over the worry of feeling as if I am bragging and recognizing that I have a gift to share with others will help me excel and share my skills with others.
For myself, I come into the office early to prepare for the day. This fifteen to thirty minutes before anyone else arrives allows me to dive deep into work later in the day. Helping clients recognize the need for efficient and effective work is part of asking when can you do this step and how can you complete it in a timely manner. All clients know how they work to their full potential.
Growing up, we had little down time and were expected to be timely, keep up with our tasks, and to be self-sufficient though our family was always there to help when asked. This mindset has crept into all aspects of my life and I am hopeful that this "How can I help?" mindset is apparent in my coaching.
My life and my coaching practice could benefit from more listening and being fully present with others, along with staying curious! Asking the right questions, helps me know what tasks I need to complete and how I can complete them most effectively. Asking the right questions to my clients, should reveal to them what they want and need to do to achieve their desired outcomes.
The part of this blog that resonates most with me right now is dividing tasks into fractured time (sprints), where one focuses briefly before quickly moving on to something else, and deep work time (design time). I agree deep thinking and deep work require a certain amount of uninterrupted time to focus on a single task or activity.
I think of the flywheel that's big, dense, and heavy. I learn something slowly and start methodically and thoughtfully working on it. I can handle more of it in time and even "roll it" a bit faster (speed is relative, of course). I know this about my work style. I schedule "DnD" (Do Not Disturb) time slots on my calendar for projects that require deep thought and creativity. In church ministry, this means putting my DnD sign on my door, hitting the DnD button on my phone, or going to a quiet place offsite to focus. Sometimes, because of busyness, interruptions, and needs, it's a fight for those things, but I'm always glad when I can do so.
Being an extraordinary coach means that I've got the core competencies down, not just in my brain (which I don't yet), but also in my behavior ... that I've internalized them so that they are second nature, and I use them without having to think about them. Being an extraordinary coach means asking powerful questions in a quiet and meaningful way that helps coachees cut to the heart of an issue and find the answers they are looking for within themselves. It means seeing coachees experience shifts in assumptions, attitudes, approaches, and actions that move them forward in significant ways toward a preferred future they may only have dreamed about.
I think fear of failure sometimes gets in the way of my starting something I'd like to do. Fear of the certification exam is certainly present at the moment. I typically push through the fear eventually ... leaving a call I loved to pursue a new ministry, starting the new ministry from scratch and putting it out there for the world to see, taking one step after another toward the thriving ministry I want even when I didn't know where the money would come from to pay the bills ... I do the things anyway, but fear sometimes keeps me from doing them expediently.
Interestingly, I've just revamped my schedule to be more accommodating to sprints and deep work timing. It has been a gradual shift since late February, but I'm liking the improvements I'm seeing in sermon prep (the first shift) and preparation for other ministry tasks, so I'm looking forward to seeing the fruits of that labor.
My upbringing makes it difficult for me to manage judging coachee choices from time to time. I definitely have to get out of my head and work on accepting that my way is not the only way to do things. :P
What habits do you need to embed in your life? In your coaching practice?
In order to be an extraordinary coach, I need to hone in on that new schedule I created and have been living into slowly as some other calendar crunchers have slowly been completed, so I can create space to be the pastor I feel called to be. I need to let go of fear and judgment and trust that God is in the transformational process, even when I feel like that might be impossible.
As I pursue coaching as an important part of this ministry, I plan to embed the principles, practices, and processes -- in addition to regular prayer for my coachees -- in my daily life and ministry, in order to more fully realize the call that I have heard from God to a ministry that is transformative, wonder-filled, and healing.
I think an extraordinary coach is a great listener and knows how to play "catch" well with the client so they shine. My only fear has been to mess it up, and I know I don't need to. That's where the structure comes in - whether it's for short-term or long-term gain. I also think that I've been expected to be a counselor in the past and want to stay in this new lane of coaching.
In terms of new habits, I think it's just a question of pruning my side work to be more focused in what I take on. That applies to coaching as well. That means I also need to trust the training I've received and embed that into my coaching to get better and better at it.
There is so much great wisdom in this post, but the one that hit home for me was the question that asked the reader to reflect on the last three years. Deep sigh. 3 years plus 7 weeks ago was when everything shut down with Covid. It's hard to even think about how much the world has changed, nonetheless, how much I have changed. But I do know that Covid forced us all to accept change and for that I am grateful. It forced me to slow down and evaluate what is important and what I want out of life. As we've come out of Covid and plunged right back into the busyness of the past (if not more so), I am committed to creating systems that support a better version of myself. The ways of thinking about TIME through a value lens will hopefully lead me to being an even better version of a coach.
Wow--there is so much here.
I came to this post at nearly 10pm on a Friday night. I am mentally rather exhausted, and feeling a little overwhelmed with commitments that I have made, work responsibilities, a flurry of wonderful opportunities, and a pinch of self-doubt. That all said, one thing (that is not a reflection question)that really hit me was, "where were you 3 years ago". for all of us, that is a loaded question, because, of course, at that point we were in the depths of the pandemic. But I was also taking new steps. 3 years ago this week I was 2 weeks into a training to gain my 200 hour yoga teacher training. I was an educator, but not yet a working writer or working coach. thinking of the three years between training to be a yoga teacher and today, finishing my coach training, I realize that even though there have been so many difficult things in these three years, they have been three years of discovery for me.
Looking at habits to embed, today I was meeting with two new clients. I got up early (because my mind was spinning 1000 RPMs as I mapped out my day) and did a gentle 30 minutes of yoga. It was centering and focused and I think that to bring these two passions of mine into conversation with each other as a way to use the first to prepare me to do the second could bring a great ritual and richness to my coaching.
I remember in one of the early sessions, Jim explained that he takes some time at the beginning of the year to plan his year ahead. That made me think and I realized that I have not been intentional on putting time aside to do what I need to do. I don't think it is fear, but I tell myself that I do not have time to stop. I am always on the rush to complete the next project, or an important deadline, or a meeting. I am know scheduling 2 hours a day to take a dep dive on preparing myself, meditating, thinking about my goals for the day, the week and the month.
What does being an extraordinary coach look like for you?
Helping people understand the way they function in the world so they can see their quirks as gifts. People leaving their time with me with a more positive understanding of who they are and what they are capable of is extraordinary.
How is fear or your self-imposed limitations preventing you from being extraordinary?
I desperately want to help people who are neurodivergent in the same way that I've been helped. The big picture is not scary to me, but when I start thinking about all the details that go into getting started I get overwhelmed and shut down. I don't think that is a self-imposed limitation, but it is something I am working on strategies for getting around. I am trying to be careful about the new narratives I'm creating around my ADHD. It would be a shame to replace my old self-limiting narratives with new shinier self-limiting narratives. I'm working with a therapist currently and hope to be able to switch to coaching soon. I don't h ave capacity for both.
How do you help yourself and the people you coach schedule time for sprints and deep work?
This is one of the things on my list to figure out for myself. I desperately need more time for this work, but when I have blocks of time that could work, I end up getting distracted. I need a system.
What impact does your culture and upbringing have on your coaching?
So much impact. Growing up as a queer person, who was given and had no access to the language I needed to be able to define my identity to myself and others has made me determined to create spaces for others who share this experience or similar ones.
What habits do you need to embed in your life? In your coaching practice?
I need to start working on my morning routine and my sleep schedule. I am completely out of executive functioning energy by 3pm so if I'm going to be able to incorporate this, I have to figure out my mornings.
What principles, practices, and processes are you embedding into your coaching?
People are not the problem, the problem is the problem.
Tools are only as useful as the individual's ability to identify when and how to use them.
There is no "right" way to do something. It is about finding what works for you and then shifting as needed.
I told someone a few weeks ago that we have to plan to be reactive in the ways we want to be reactive. The more I think about that moment, the more I realize that I have to plan to be whatever it is I'm hoping to become. And beyond just planning, I have to revisit this plan, tweak it and redploy it. It's a small series of everyday changes I can make to grow into my goals.