4 | Coaching Tips & Truths 

Over the years, I find that I keep coming back to some of the essential coaching practices and approaches that result in consistently good coaching conversations. These practices help surface the most pressing issues, accelerate the clients progress, keep the primary focus on the client, and bring out God’s best in them. Review the 15 tips found in this chapter and think about which tips are most relevant to increasing your impact as a coach.

The better you get at developing a trusting, confidential relationship the right way, the more likely you'll be an effective coach. Coaching is always about the client, and where he or she wishes to go rather than the needs or intentions of the coach. Coaching assumes a relational connection that’s built on transparency, trust, and vulnerability. Effective coaches are able to present themselves exactly as they are. They create safe and sacred space that allows clients to share their hopes, dreams, challenges, and shortcomings. Coaching starts with connecting and is exemplified when coaches are naturally curious and laser-focused on the wellbeing of their clients.

• Send ICF's Code of Ethics to your clients so they know about  the ethical standard you abided by.
• Invite the client to share some information ahead of the coaching session about who they  are and their hopes for coaching.
• Remind yourself of your client's potential and your capacity to draw out their ideas and next steps through coaching.

Coaching is a partnership where, like dancing, you follow the client’s lead. "What do you want to talk about? " is a great opener and is the beginning of honoring the basic coaching agreement. Questions coaches ask should help clarify the focus of the coaching relationship, the purpose of the coaching session, and where clients want to end up as a result of coaching. Coaches allow clients to pick the topic, the measurements, the depth, even the pace of the conversations. If the client doesn’t say it, then the subject is off the table. Coaches must avoid digging deeper into topics that clients haven’t commented on during the conversation.

• Do a quick self-evaluation after each coaching session. 
• Ask yourself, "Did I follow the client's lead?  Did I avoid trying to fix their problem?  Did you help reveal their potential?

Donald Miller, the founder of the company, Storybrand, states that the best marketing always makes the client the hero in the story. Coaches help clients identify their preferred future, describe the gap between their current situation and the preferred future along with the challenges they face, and then find ways to overcome their challenges that prevent them from achieving their desired outcomes. In the process of helping their clients shine, coaches help clients create a plan that moves them consistently toward their brighter future. When coaches become the “hero” in the story, it’s usually becomes they’ve switched, intentional or otherwise, to playing the role of a counselor, mentor, or consultant.

Coaches go beyond walking alongside clients and serving as confidential dialogue partners. They help clients name and act on their intentions. They nudge clients toward their preferred futures and invite clients to set short-term wins and deadlines. Coaches invite their clients to pay attention to changes in their attitudes, assumptions, approaches, and actions. They help clients take shuffle steps toward their desired outcomes. After helping clients describe their dreams; coaches help them drill down on their intentions and list what they need to do now, or next, to live into their preferred future.

• Help the client focus on just one or two areas that they'd like to take action on.
• Help the client make their actions concrete. Help them name   what will they specifically will do and when it will be done.

Keep your questions short (6-8 words) and concrete. Allow space for the client to reflect and respond. Recording a few of your coaching sessions (with the expressed permission of the client). Create a transcript of the coaching conversation. Notice how long your questions are. Pay attention to how much you’re talking compared to your client. I find that the best coaches almost always speak less than 20% of the time. You may discover that the power of your questions are inversely proportional to their length.

To accelerate a client’s learning and progress, ask the client if they’d be open to learning about, or reflecting on topics or projects that increase their awareness or capacities. This could include items like making a list of resources (assets) to support their progress, listing 3-5 people who could help, mentor or hold them accountable, listing skills they need to develop, etc. Having clients tend to these types of action steps often helps clients move forward, faster.