Vibrant Faith believes that faith is formed, by the power of the Holy Spirit, through personal, trusted relationships. It's a lifelong process of learning to live and love like Jesus that's practiced everyday, everywhere, through a web of support that includes family members, friends, neighbors, and faith mentors.  People often experience faith a web of Christian support through small group settings where God is the subject of their conversations, and where faith is modeled through a variety of spiritual practices.

John Wesley, the founder of the Methodist Church, taught that there are certain practices in which disciples can engage in that usher them into God's grace. Wesley described these spiritual practices as "outward signs of an inward and invisible grace." These practices focused on worship, devotion, compassion, and justice and have been practiced by people of faith for numerous generations. (

The life of Jesus and the narratives of the Old and New Testaments make it clear that a life of faith is meant to be lived in community with other believers and reflects a life that's focused on connecting with God, connecting with each other, and connecting with the people in our communities.  The discipling process Wesley described also emphasized importance creating communities that we relational, intentional and accountable.

The value of small groups has not changed. They are as important to spiritual growth as they always have been. They have the capacity to transform people's personal and spiritual lives.

In this online guide, you'll find insights and answers to the following questions:

• What constitutes a small group?
• Are all small groups discipleship groups?
• How do small groups support the discipleship process?
• How do small groups impact the life and ministry of the church?
• How do we transform small Christian Education gatherings into discipleship groups?
• How does one effectively facilitate the small group experience?
• How does the church encourage small group participation?
• What are some of the values small groups bring to the congregation?

SKILL 1:  TALK LESS; ASK MORE QUESTIONS

A facilitation/coaching approach where, in partnership with the participants, we help individuals discover connections with what they already know, benefit from new knowledge and perspectives they acquire as part of our work together, and challenge them to match their lifestyle to what they've learned. Using this model, the retention/application range is 60-80%. Obviously, the big win is not just disseminating information, but helping people see the way forward to doing life the way God's Word invites us to live.
This kind of partnership reflects a coaching approach to transformation. While this small group training guide is obviously not an in-depth resource to equip you for a professional coaching certification, there are some basic coaching skills that can be adapted to your small group leadership. If you can adjust your basic approach to a coaching mindset, the results can be dramatic.
Consider the following definition, using the word COACH as an acronym:

• C — Comes alongside.
• O — Observes carefully.
• A - Asks questions wisely.
• C - Communicates options and resources.
• H — Holds accountable (and cares for the heart).

A good coach will fulfill all the conditions spelled out in that acronym, but this ability to COACH doesn't happen by accident. While some people are naturally gifted with the qualities that enable this skill set, everyone can learn more about the tools and habits that underlie fundamental coaching techniques. And everyone who is going to facilitate a small group should do so. These coaching techniques are based on a specific, intentional set of skills, illustrated in the following pie-chart. The pie chart weights the relative value of the skills in the context of a standard coaching relationship, the kind of formal relationship in which a coach and coachee are working together to nurture the coachee's personal or professional growth.

For the purposes of small group leadership, aspects of this same coaching skill set can be appropriated to promote healthy, purposeful conversation within the small group, and also - perhaps most importantly - to promote healthy discipleship growth for each individual within the small group. This is, after all, our ultimate goal - to help individuals make steady progress in the dimensions of discipleship. Here is a breakdown of the basic coaching skill set and a further dissection of each of those skills as they might be applied within the small group leader context.

WHY ASKING  QUESTIONS LEADS TO TRANSFORMATION
Powerful questioning is the ability to pose insightful queries that reveal the information needed for maximum benefit to move a conversation forward or help an individual probe an issue.  Dorothy Leeds, in The 7 Powers of Questions: Secrets to Successful Communication in Life and at Work, suggests that powerful questions:

• Demand meaningful responses.
• Stimulate thinking.
• Provide useful information.
• Work in tandem with powerful listening.
• Get people to open up.
• Help people make shifts in their own values, actions and perspectives.

AVOID ASKING QUESTIONS THAT CAUSE PEOPLE TO:

• Get hung up on minor issues  at the expense of what really matters.
• Rehash the past, focusing on what was rather than what might be.
• Play the role of a victim rather than focus what can be done.
•  Focus on what's wrong rather than what's right.
• Focus on who's missing rather than those who are present.
• Focus on easy solutions rather than new possibilities.

WAYS TO MOVE CONVERSATIONS FORWARD

• Ask open-ended questions. Avoid "yes or no" questions. Ask guide "who, what, when, where and how" questions. if it's helpful, but try to ask questions that require detailed, thoughtful responses.
•  Zoom in or zoom out: Harvard's Rosabeth Moss Kanter's metaphor about the need to take a wider perspective, while sometimes zooming in on the details. It's an important skill to know when each view - wide angle or microscopic - is valuable (particularly at knowing which details are the critical factors in a discussion or a decision).

SKILL 2:  ENCOURAGE THE HEART

Encouragement is one of the most powerful coaching skills in the toolkit. Most people do not get enough encouragement in any aspect of their lives. People blossom and thrive when they are encouraged. Nancy Kline, in her book, Time to Think, asserts that encouragement (also termed appreciation or acknowledgment) is important not because it feels good or is nice, but because it helps people to think for themselves on the cutting edge of an issue. It is suggested that coaches/facilitators aim for a 5:1 ratio of encouragement to criticism. Encouragement involves
speaking hope, recognizing the bright spots, empowering their gifts, unleashing their potential, using "and" more than "but."
 
ENCOURAGE SHOULD BE

• Authentic.
• Unequivocal—no "maybes."
• Enthusiastic.
• Specific.
• Substantive—reflecting not just "what" but "who" the recipient is.

COACHING SKILL 4:  RESPONDING IN CANDID, CONSTRUCTIVE WAYS
Direct communication (responding) is the ability to communicate effectively during coaching sessions and to use language that has the greatest positive impact on the conversation and its participants. Responding includes:
- Truth-telling: Sharing what you are seeing from the facilitator's perspective.
- Feedback: Giving honest assessments and opinions (this is non-directive, e.g. consulting).
- Insights: Sharing intuitive thoughts.
- Types of Responding (ways to directly communicate):
- Interrupting: Masterful interrupting is truly an art and holds great benefit to the coachee, bringing them back on track or helping them get to the point.
- Advising: While the focus of a coaching conversation is to tap into the expertise of the coachee, there are also times when the coach has expertise and experience that can have a positive impact on the progress of the coachee. The key is that the advice must be appropriate and asked for.
- Directing: This is a technique for steering the conversation back toward the stated goals for the session or relationship.
- Messaging: This is the speaking of a 'truth' that will help the coachee to act more quickly.

COACHING SKILL 5:  NEGOTIATING
Negotiation is a skill that is a critical final step in one-to-one coaching scenarios. It describes the process by which the coach helps the coachee move from thinking about an issue to taking active steps to do something about that issue. Negotiation is not so much a part of the week-to-week work of facilitating a group discussion, but it is an essential part of helping individual small group participants (disciples-in-training) set goals for their growth as disciples. Sometimes, this will occur in the context of the accountability portion of your small group sessions. Sometimes it will happen one-to-one. Occasionally, you will find this skill helpful for leading the small group itself toward corporate decisions - for instance, when trying decide what resource to study next or what service project to participate in.
Here are some negotiation techniques:

1 | Determine Action Steps
- What's next?
- What specific thing are you/we trying to accomplish?
- What resources do you/we need?
- What will you/we have to have in place in order to make this happen?

2 | Remove obstacles:
- What could stop you/we from doing this?
- What are the obstacles that could stop you/us from moving ahead?
- What could go wrong?
- If you/we move ahead, what is the worst case scenario for how things could derail?

3 | Gain commitment:
- What could you/we do? What are the possibilities?
- What will you/we do? Let's pick a specific course of action and commit to it.
- When will this be done? Let's don't leave it hanging out there amorphously. Let's pick a date and commit to it.

4 | Introduce helpful habits:
- Small steps.  Having identified a goal, what are the small steps that will be necessary to get
us going on the journey?
- Backward planning. Let's "begin with the end in mind," and chart out the steps that will be required to get us to the destination.
- Creating structure. Let's come up with a framework for how the steps will be managed and accomplished.
- Anchoring. How do we reinforce our core values as we move forward? How do we stay anchored to the core idea that empowers our goal?
- Daily actions. What daily to-do items will move us forward toward the goal. As we're breaking things down into "small steps," what recurring actions will keep us accountable to making those steps happen.

TWO COACHING  CONVERSATION  MODEL

Five questions make up the BASIC AGREEMENT in a typical coaching conversation:
1. What would you like to talk about?
2. What would you like to takeaway from the conversation?
3. Are we still talking about what's most important to you?
4. What do  you see as your next steps for moving forward?
5. Who will hold you accountable?  Who might support your efforts?

The GROW model described below honors the intentions of the basic agreement while providing a helpful and memorable structure for coaches to help their coachees (group members) move forward in tangible ways (in whatever area of their life - work, relationships, personal growth) in which they wish to move forward. In the small group context (and if you find yourself at some point in a Mentor or Spiritual Guide context), the GROW model can be very effective with guiding accountability discussions. The elements of the GROW model can help focus the group discussion for defining accountability among group members, and it can be an incisive tool for helping individual group members who are interested in growth identify goals and ways to meet those goals. The GROW model was developed by John Whitmore in Coaching for Performance: The Principles and Practice of Coaching and Leadership and identifies four areas of focus for moving forward in a positive direction.  Here it is in graphic form:  Here is a textual breakdown of these principles, as used in a standard coaching conversation (the kind you might have with someone for whom you are acting as a spiritual mentor):

1 | GOAL: Where are we headed?
- How can I be most helpful to you today? What do you need to get the most out of this conversation? What role do you need a listener or advisor to play?
- What topic should we concentrate on during this session? What is the one topic on which we could focus today that will have the most impact on moving you forward in a meaningful direction?
- What are the issues that you face today? What are the most important items that are holding you back, giving you grief, or sapping your energy?

2 | REALITY: Where are we starting from?
- Tell me about your current situation. Describe it as honestly as you can, yet as objectively as possible.
- What are the difficulties that you face? Name the obstacles and how each is impacting your attitude.
- How are you resourcing yourself around this issue? In what ways have you sought to gain advice or consult expertise to work through this issue?
- What is your biggest area of discomfort about this issue? What is the one thing that is causing you the most stress and anxiety?

3 | OPTIONS: How can we get there?
- Tell me what you think are some options for a solution. List them, without preemptively dismissing possibilities.
- What else? Probe more deeply around all angles of the issue. V/hat are you missing? What other options might present themselves as you take on other perspectives?
- If there were no obstacles (like money or people) what else would you consider? If all options were possible, what would be the best path forward? (And having considered that, is it possible to choose an option that you have previously perceived as not an option?)

4 | WHAT WILL YOU DO? What will it take to get there?
- What do you need to do this? Having decided to move forward with a defined strategy, what are the specific things you will need to make it happen?
- How will you prioritize your options? How will you decide what needs to be done first and what can wait till further in the process?
- What one thing can you accomplish this week that will move you in the right direction? Commit to taking that action fearlessly.   How can I pray for you this week?


QUESTIONS  FOR  REFLECTION/DISCUSSION

1. How will thinking like a coach (rather than just a teacher) change your small group dynamic?
2. Which of the coaching skills (listening, encouraging, asking powerful questions, responding, negotiating) do you find most natural and which do you find most difficult?
3. What do you find most challenging about being a good listener when you are facilitating a group discussion? What frustrates you the most?
4. How can inspire/lead other participants in your group to also emulate these coaching skills?
5. What insights did you gain from learning about the GROW model that you can use in facilitating group growth?

SKILL 1:  ACTIVE LISTENING

Active listening is the ability to focus completely on what is being said, as well as the sensitivity to understand what is not being said. It is the ability to understand the meaning of what is being said as a reflection of the speaker's needs and desires, while reinforcing the speaker's confidence and self-expression.
The characteristics and attitude that define an active listener are beneficial both in the context of one-to-one mentoring, as well as in a group discussion (or for that, matter in any conversation in any relationship or context).

ACTIVE LISTENING INVOLVES

• Being curious. Being fully present. Creating a safe space. Conveying value. Exploring possibilities. "Getting" someone. Active Listening is the function of specific intentional practices on the part of the listener (in this case the small group leader who is facilitating/guiding the conversation):
• Reflecting: Making observations which build on the speaker's comments by highlighting specific points and expanding on them.
• Paraphrasing: Repeating back what the speaker has said in slightly different words to clarify meaning.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU . . .

• Do pretend to listen? This is more obvious than you might expect. You might think you're getting away with faking interest, but people can tell when you are not engaged.
• Do you focus on their own response rather than what a person is saying? If we're investing our time and attention preparing what we'll say next, we miss the opportunity to be fully present for others.
• Do you send messages through your tone or body language?  Try to retain a neutral listening posture. If something needs to be challenged (via truth telling), do it with your words, not your body language.
• Do hijack the speaker's message? This is a gone-rogue version of reflecting in which we intentionally flip the speaker's words to make a point they didn't intend, tweak them to make a point that's near and dear to our own perspective, or use them as a jumping off point to launch another topic or stir up the other group members. We should respect a speaker's words and sentiment for what they are, not what we wish them to be.
• Do you look at your phone or clock? That's an obvious one, but we all are subject to the fantasy that we are the sole person on the planet who can successfully multi-task in a way that's not obnoxious or obtrusive.

COACHING SKILL 4:  RESPONDING IN CANDID, CONSTRUCTIVE WAYS
Direct communication (responding) is the ability to communicate effectively during coaching sessions and to use language that has the greatest positive impact on the conversation and its participants. Responding includes:

• Truth-telling: Sharing what you are seeing from the facilitator's perspective.
• Feedback: Giving honest assessments and opinions (this is non-directive, e.g. consulting).
• Insights: Sharing intuitive thoughts.
• Types of Responding (ways to directly communicate):
• Interrupting: Masterful interrupting is truly an art and holds great benefit to the coachee, bringing them back on track or helping them get to the point.
• Advising: While the focus of a coaching conversation is to tap into the expertise of the coachee, there are also times when the coach has expertise and experience that can have a positive impact on the progress of the coachee. The key is that the advice must be appropriate and asked for.
• Directing: This is a technique for steering the conversation back toward the stated goals for the session or relationship.
• Messaging: This is the speaking of a 'truth' that will help the coachee to act more quickly.

COACHING SKILL 5:  NEGOTIATING
Negotiation is a skill that is a critical final step in one-to-one coaching scenarios. It describes the process by which the coach helps the coachee move from thinking about an issue to taking active steps to do something about that issue. Negotiation is not so much a part of the week-to-week work of facilitating a group discussion, but it is an essential part of helping individual small group participants (disciples-in-training) set goals for their growth as disciples. Sometimes, this will occur in the context of the accountability portion of your small group sessions. Sometimes it will happen one-to-one. Occasionally, you will find this skill helpful for leading the small group itself toward corporate decisions - for instance, when trying decide what resource to study next or what service project to participate in. Here are some negotiation techniques:

1. Determine Action Steps. What's next? What specific thing are you/we trying to accomplish?   What resources do you/we need?  What will you/we have to have in place in order to make this happen?
2. Remove obstacles.  What could stop you/we from doing this?   What are the obstacles that could stop you/us from moving ahead?   What could go wrong?  If you/we move ahead, what is the worst case scenario for how things could derail?
3. Gain commitment.  What could you/we do? nWhat are the possibilities?

  What will you/we do?   When will this be done?

Introduce helpful habits:- Small steps.  Having identified a goal, what are the small steps that will be necessary to get
us going on the journey?
- Backward planning. Let's "begin with the end in mind," and chart out the steps that will be required to get us to the destination.
- Creating structure. Let's come up with a framework for how the steps will be managed and accomplished.
- Anchoring. How do we reinforce our core values as we move forward? How do we stay anchored to the core idea that empowers our goal?
- Daily actions. What daily to-do items will move us forward toward the goal. As we're breaking things down into "small steps," what recurring actions will keep us accountable to making those steps happen.

TWO COACHING  CONVERSATION  MODEL
Five questions make up the BASIC AGREEMENT in a typical coaching conversation:

1. What would you like to talk about?
2.  What would you like to takeaway from the conversation?
3.  Are we still talking about what's most important to you?
4.  What do  you see as your next steps for moving forward?
5.  Who will hold you accountable?  Who might support your efforts?

The GROW model described below honors the intentions of the basic agreement while providing a helpful and memorable structure for coaches to help their coachees (group members) move forward in tangible ways (in whatever area of their life - work, relationships, personal growth) in which they wish to move forward. In the small group context (and if you find yourself at some point in a Mentor or Spiritual Guide context), the GROW model can be very effective with guiding accountability discussions. The elements of the GROW model can help focus the group discussion for defining accountability among group members, and it can be an incisive tool for helping individual group members who are interested in growth identify goals and ways to meet those goals. The GROW model was developed by John Whitmore in Coaching for Performance: The Principles and Practice of Coaching and Leadership and identifies four areas of focus for moving forward in a positive direction.  Here it is in graphic form:  Here is a textual breakdown of these principles, as used in a standard coaching conversation (the kind you might have with someone for whom you are acting as a spiritual mentor):

1 | GOAL: Where are we headed?
- How can I be most helpful to you today? What do you need to get the most out of this conversation? What role do you need a listener or advisor to play?
- What topic should we concentrate on during this session? What is the one topic on which we could focus today that will have the most impact on moving you forward in a meaningful direction?
- What are the issues that you face today? What are the most important items that are holding you back, giving you grief, or sapping your energy?

2 | REALITY: Where are we starting from?
- Tell me about your current situation. Describe it as honestly as you can, yet as objectively as possible.
- What are the difficulties that you face? Name the obstacles and how each is impacting your attitude.
- How are you resourcing yourself around this issue? In what ways have you sought to gain advice or consult expertise to work through this issue?
- What is your biggest area of discomfort about this issue? What is the one thing that is causing you the most stress and anxiety?

3 | OPTIONS: How can we get there?
- Tell me what you think are some options for a solution. List them, without preemptively dismissing possibilities.
- What else? Probe more deeply around all angles of the issue. V/hat are you missing? What other options might present themselves as you take on other perspectives?
- If there were no obstacles (like money or people) what else would you consider? If all options were possible, what would be the best path forward? (And having considered that, is it possible to choose an option that you have previously perceived as not an option?)

4 | WHAT WILL YOU DO? What will it take to get there?
- What do you need to do this? Having decided to move forward with a defined strategy, what are the specific things you will need to make it happen?
- How will you prioritize your options? How will you decide what needs to be done first and what can wait till further in the process?
- What one thing can you accomplish this week that will move you in the right direction? Commit to taking that action fearlessly.   How can I pray for you this week?


QUESTIONS  FOR  REFLECTION/DISCUSSION

1. How will thinking like a coach (rather than just a teacher) change your small group dynamic?
2. Which of the coaching skills (listening, encouraging, asking powerful questions, responding, negotiating) do you find most natural and which do you find most difficult?
3. What do you find most challenging about being a good listener when you are facilitating a group discussion? What frustrates you the most?
4. How can inspire/lead other participants in your group to also emulate these coaching skills?
5. What insights did you gain from learning about the GROW model that you can use in facilitating group growth?

SKILL 1:  TALK LESS; ASK MORE QUESTIONS

A facilitation/coaching approach where, in partnership with the participants, we help individuals discover connections with what they already know, benefit from new knowledge and perspectives they acquire as part of our work together, and challenge them to match their lifestyle to what they've learned. Using this model, the retention/application range is 60-80%. Obviously, the big win is not just disseminating information, but helping people see the way forward to doing life the way God's Word invites us to live.
This kind of partnership reflects a coaching approach to transformation. While this small group training guide is obviously not an in-depth resource to equip you for a professional coaching certification, there are some basic coaching skills that can be adapted to your small group leadership. If you can adjust your basic approach to a coaching mindset, the results can be dramatic.
Consider the following definition, using the word COACH as an acronym:

• C — Comes alongside.
• O — Observes carefully.
• A - Asks questions wisely.
• C - Communicates options and resources.
• H — Holds accountable (and cares for the heart).

A good coach will fulfill all the conditions spelled out in that acronym, but this ability to COACH doesn't happen by accident. While some people are naturally gifted with the qualities that enable this skill set, everyone can learn more about the tools and habits that underlie fundamental coaching techniques. And everyone who is going to facilitate a small group should do so. These coaching techniques are based on a specific, intentional set of skills, illustrated in the following pie-chart. The pie chart weights the relative value of the skills in the context of a standard coaching relationship, the kind of formal relationship in which a coach and coachee are working together to nurture the coachee's personal or professional growth.

For the purposes of small group leadership, aspects of this same coaching skill set can be appropriated to promote healthy, purposeful conversation within the small group, and also - perhaps most importantly - to promote healthy discipleship growth for each individual within the small group. This is, after all, our ultimate goal - to help individuals make steady progress in the dimensions of discipleship. Here is a breakdown of the basic coaching skill set and a further dissection of each of those skills as they might be applied within the small group leader context.

WHY ASKING  QUESTIONS LEADS TO TRANSFORMATION
Powerful questioning is the ability to pose insightful queries that reveal the information needed for maximum benefit to move a conversation forward or help an individual probe an issue.  Dorothy Leeds, in The 7 Powers of Questions: Secrets to Successful Communication in Life and at Work, suggests that powerful questions:

• Demand meaningful responses.
• Stimulate thinking.
• Provide useful information.
• Work in tandem with powerful listening.
• Get people to open up.
• Help people make shifts in their own values, actions and perspectives.

AVOID ASKING QUESTIONS THAT CAUSE PEOPLE TO:

• Get hung up on minor issues  at the expense of what really matters.
• Rehash the past, focusing on what was rather than what might be.
• Play the role of a victim rather than focus what can be done.
•  Focus on what's wrong rather than what's right.
• Focus on who's missing rather than those who are present.
• Focus on easy solutions rather than new possibilities.

WAYS TO MOVE CONVERSATIONS FORWARD

• Ask open-ended questions. Avoid "yes or no" questions. Ask guide "who, what, when, where and how" questions. if it's helpful, but try to ask questions that require detailed, thoughtful responses.
•  Zoom in or zoom out: Harvard's Rosabeth Moss Kanter's metaphor about the need to take a wider perspective, while sometimes zooming in on the details. It's an important skill to know when each view - wide angle or microscopic - is valuable (particularly at knowing which details are the critical factors in a discussion or a decision).

SKILL 2:  ENCOURAGE THE HEART

Encouragement is one of the most powerful coaching skills in the toolkit. Most people do not get enough encouragement in any aspect of their lives. People blossom and thrive when they are encouraged. Nancy Kline, in her book, Time to Think, asserts that encouragement (also termed appreciation or acknowledgment) is important not because it feels good or is nice, but because it helps people to think for themselves on the cutting edge of an issue. It is suggested that coaches/facilitators aim for a 5:1 ratio of encouragement to criticism. Encouragement involves
speaking hope, recognizing the bright spots, empowering their gifts, unleashing their potential, using "and" more than "but."
 
ENCOURAGE SHOULD BE

• Authentic.
• Unequivocal—no "maybes."
• Enthusiastic.
• Specific.
• Substantive—reflecting not just "what" but "who" the recipient is.

COACHING SKILL 4:  RESPONDING IN CANDID, CONSTRUCTIVE WAYS
Direct communication (responding) is the ability to communicate effectively during coaching sessions and to use language that has the greatest positive impact on the conversation and its participants. Responding includes:
- Truth-telling: Sharing what you are seeing from the facilitator's perspective.
- Feedback: Giving honest assessments and opinions (this is non-directive, e.g. consulting).
- Insights: Sharing intuitive thoughts.
- Types of Responding (ways to directly communicate):
- Interrupting: Masterful interrupting is truly an art and holds great benefit to the coachee, bringing them back on track or helping them get to the point.
- Advising: While the focus of a coaching conversation is to tap into the expertise of the coachee, there are also times when the coach has expertise and experience that can have a positive impact on the progress of the coachee. The key is that the advice must be appropriate and asked for.
- Directing: This is a technique for steering the conversation back toward the stated goals for the session or relationship.
- Messaging: This is the speaking of a 'truth' that will help the coachee to act more quickly.

COACHING SKILL 5:  NEGOTIATING
Negotiation is a skill that is a critical final step in one-to-one coaching scenarios. It describes the process by which the coach helps the coachee move from thinking about an issue to taking active steps to do something about that issue. Negotiation is not so much a part of the week-to-week work of facilitating a group discussion, but it is an essential part of helping individual small group participants (disciples-in-training) set goals for their growth as disciples. Sometimes, this will occur in the context of the accountability portion of your small group sessions. Sometimes it will happen one-to-one. Occasionally, you will find this skill helpful for leading the small group itself toward corporate decisions - for instance, when trying decide what resource to study next or what service project to participate in.
Here are some negotiation techniques:

1 | Determine Action Steps
- What's next?
- What specific thing are you/we trying to accomplish?
- What resources do you/we need?
- What will you/we have to have in place in order to make this happen?

2 | Remove obstacles:
- What could stop you/we from doing this?
- What are the obstacles that could stop you/us from moving ahead?
- What could go wrong?
- If you/we move ahead, what is the worst case scenario for how things could derail?

3 | Gain commitment:
- What could you/we do? What are the possibilities?
- What will you/we do? Let's pick a specific course of action and commit to it.
- When will this be done? Let's don't leave it hanging out there amorphously. Let's pick a date and commit to it.

4 | Introduce helpful habits:
- Small steps.  Having identified a goal, what are the small steps that will be necessary to get
us going on the journey?
- Backward planning. Let's "begin with the end in mind," and chart out the steps that will be required to get us to the destination.
- Creating structure. Let's come up with a framework for how the steps will be managed and accomplished.
- Anchoring. How do we reinforce our core values as we move forward? How do we stay anchored to the core idea that empowers our goal?
- Daily actions. What daily to-do items will move us forward toward the goal. As we're breaking things down into "small steps," what recurring actions will keep us accountable to making those steps happen.

TWO COACHING  CONVERSATION  MODEL

Five questions make up the BASIC AGREEMENT in a typical coaching conversation:
1. What would you like to talk about?
2. What would you like to takeaway from the conversation?
3. Are we still talking about what's most important to you?
4. What do  you see as your next steps for moving forward?
5. Who will hold you accountable?  Who might support your efforts?

The GROW model described below honors the intentions of the basic agreement while providing a helpful and memorable structure for coaches to help their coachees (group members) move forward in tangible ways (in whatever area of their life - work, relationships, personal growth) in which they wish to move forward. In the small group context (and if you find yourself at some point in a Mentor or Spiritual Guide context), the GROW model can be very effective with guiding accountability discussions. The elements of the GROW model can help focus the group discussion for defining accountability among group members, and it can be an incisive tool for helping individual group members who are interested in growth identify goals and ways to meet those goals. The GROW model was developed by John Whitmore in Coaching for Performance: The Principles and Practice of Coaching and Leadership and identifies four areas of focus for moving forward in a positive direction.  Here it is in graphic form:  Here is a textual breakdown of these principles, as used in a standard coaching conversation (the kind you might have with someone for whom you are acting as a spiritual mentor):

1 | GOAL: Where are we headed?
- How can I be most helpful to you today? What do you need to get the most out of this conversation? What role do you need a listener or advisor to play?
- What topic should we concentrate on during this session? What is the one topic on which we could focus today that will have the most impact on moving you forward in a meaningful direction?
- What are the issues that you face today? What are the most important items that are holding you back, giving you grief, or sapping your energy?

2 | REALITY: Where are we starting from?
- Tell me about your current situation. Describe it as honestly as you can, yet as objectively as possible.
- What are the difficulties that you face? Name the obstacles and how each is impacting your attitude.
- How are you resourcing yourself around this issue? In what ways have you sought to gain advice or consult expertise to work through this issue?
- What is your biggest area of discomfort about this issue? What is the one thing that is causing you the most stress and anxiety?

3 | OPTIONS: How can we get there?
- Tell me what you think are some options for a solution. List them, without preemptively dismissing possibilities.
- What else? Probe more deeply around all angles of the issue. V/hat are you missing? What other options might present themselves as you take on other perspectives?
- If there were no obstacles (like money or people) what else would you consider? If all options were possible, what would be the best path forward? (And having considered that, is it possible to choose an option that you have previously perceived as not an option?)

4 | WHAT WILL YOU DO? What will it take to get there?
- What do you need to do this? Having decided to move forward with a defined strategy, what are the specific things you will need to make it happen?
- How will you prioritize your options? How will you decide what needs to be done first and what can wait till further in the process?
- What one thing can you accomplish this week that will move you in the right direction? Commit to taking that action fearlessly.   How can I pray for you this week?


QUESTIONS  FOR  REFLECTION/DISCUSSION

1. How will thinking like a coach (rather than just a teacher) change your small group dynamic?
2. Which of the coaching skills (listening, encouraging, asking powerful questions, responding, negotiating) do you find most natural and which do you find most difficult?
3. What do you find most challenging about being a good listener when you are facilitating a group discussion? What frustrates you the most?
4. How can inspire/lead other participants in your group to also emulate these coaching skills?
5. What insights did you gain from learning about the GROW model that you can use in facilitating group growth?

SKILL 1:  ACTIVE LISTENING

Active listening is the ability to focus completely on what is being said, as well as the sensitivity to understand what is not being said. It is the ability to understand the meaning of what is being said as a reflection of the speaker's needs and desires, while reinforcing the speaker's confidence and self-expression.
The characteristics and attitude that define an active listener are beneficial both in the context of one-to-one mentoring, as well as in a group discussion (or for that, matter in any conversation in any relationship or context).

ACTIVE LISTENING INVOLVES

• Being curious. Being fully present. Creating a safe space. Conveying value. Exploring possibilities. "Getting" someone. Active Listening is the function of specific intentional practices on the part of the listener (in this case the small group leader who is facilitating/guiding the conversation):
• Reflecting: Making observations which build on the speaker's comments by highlighting specific points and expanding on them.
• Paraphrasing: Repeating back what the speaker has said in slightly different words to clarify meaning.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU . . .

• Do pretend to listen? This is more obvious than you might expect. You might think you're getting away with faking interest, but people can tell when you are not engaged.
• Do you focus on their own response rather than what a person is saying? If we're investing our time and attention preparing what we'll say next, we miss the opportunity to be fully present for others.
• Do you send messages through your tone or body language?  Try to retain a neutral listening posture. If something needs to be challenged (via truth telling), do it with your words, not your body language.
• Do hijack the speaker's message? This is a gone-rogue version of reflecting in which we intentionally flip the speaker's words to make a point they didn't intend, tweak them to make a point that's near and dear to our own perspective, or use them as a jumping off point to launch another topic or stir up the other group members. We should respect a speaker's words and sentiment for what they are, not what we wish them to be.
• Do you look at your phone or clock? That's an obvious one, but we all are subject to the fantasy that we are the sole person on the planet who can successfully multi-task in a way that's not obnoxious or obtrusive.

COACHING SKILL 4:  RESPONDING IN CANDID, CONSTRUCTIVE WAYS
Direct communication (responding) is the ability to communicate effectively during coaching sessions and to use language that has the greatest positive impact on the conversation and its participants. Responding includes:

• Truth-telling: Sharing what you are seeing from the facilitator's perspective.
• Feedback: Giving honest assessments and opinions (this is non-directive, e.g. consulting).
• Insights: Sharing intuitive thoughts.
• Types of Responding (ways to directly communicate):
• Interrupting: Masterful interrupting is truly an art and holds great benefit to the coachee, bringing them back on track or helping them get to the point.
• Advising: While the focus of a coaching conversation is to tap into the expertise of the coachee, there are also times when the coach has expertise and experience that can have a positive impact on the progress of the coachee. The key is that the advice must be appropriate and asked for.
• Directing: This is a technique for steering the conversation back toward the stated goals for the session or relationship.
• Messaging: This is the speaking of a 'truth' that will help the coachee to act more quickly.

COACHING SKILL 5:  NEGOTIATING
Negotiation is a skill that is a critical final step in one-to-one coaching scenarios. It describes the process by which the coach helps the coachee move from thinking about an issue to taking active steps to do something about that issue. Negotiation is not so much a part of the week-to-week work of facilitating a group discussion, but it is an essential part of helping individual small group participants (disciples-in-training) set goals for their growth as disciples. Sometimes, this will occur in the context of the accountability portion of your small group sessions. Sometimes it will happen one-to-one. Occasionally, you will find this skill helpful for leading the small group itself toward corporate decisions - for instance, when trying decide what resource to study next or what service project to participate in. Here are some negotiation techniques:

1. Determine Action Steps. What's next? What specific thing are you/we trying to accomplish?   What resources do you/we need?  What will you/we have to have in place in order to make this happen?
2. Remove obstacles.  What could stop you/we from doing this?   What are the obstacles that could stop you/us from moving ahead?   What could go wrong?  If you/we move ahead, what is the worst case scenario for how things could derail?
3. Gain commitment.  What could you/we do? nWhat are the possibilities?

  What will you/we do?   When will this be done?

Introduce helpful habits:- Small steps.  Having identified a goal, what are the small steps that will be necessary to get
us going on the journey?
- Backward planning. Let's "begin with the end in mind," and chart out the steps that will be required to get us to the destination.
- Creating structure. Let's come up with a framework for how the steps will be managed and accomplished.
- Anchoring. How do we reinforce our core values as we move forward? How do we stay anchored to the core idea that empowers our goal?
- Daily actions. What daily to-do items will move us forward toward the goal. As we're breaking things down into "small steps," what recurring actions will keep us accountable to making those steps happen.

TWO COACHING  CONVERSATION  MODEL
Five questions make up the BASIC AGREEMENT in a typical coaching conversation:

1. What would you like to talk about?
2.  What would you like to takeaway from the conversation?
3.  Are we still talking about what's most important to you?
4.  What do  you see as your next steps for moving forward?
5.  Who will hold you accountable?  Who might support your efforts?

The GROW model described below honors the intentions of the basic agreement while providing a helpful and memorable structure for coaches to help their coachees (group members) move forward in tangible ways (in whatever area of their life - work, relationships, personal growth) in which they wish to move forward. In the small group context (and if you find yourself at some point in a Mentor or Spiritual Guide context), the GROW model can be very effective with guiding accountability discussions. The elements of the GROW model can help focus the group discussion for defining accountability among group members, and it can be an incisive tool for helping individual group members who are interested in growth identify goals and ways to meet those goals. The GROW model was developed by John Whitmore in Coaching for Performance: The Principles and Practice of Coaching and Leadership and identifies four areas of focus for moving forward in a positive direction.  Here it is in graphic form:  Here is a textual breakdown of these principles, as used in a standard coaching conversation (the kind you might have with someone for whom you are acting as a spiritual mentor):

1 | GOAL: Where are we headed?
- How can I be most helpful to you today? What do you need to get the most out of this conversation? What role do you need a listener or advisor to play?
- What topic should we concentrate on during this session? What is the one topic on which we could focus today that will have the most impact on moving you forward in a meaningful direction?
- What are the issues that you face today? What are the most important items that are holding you back, giving you grief, or sapping your energy?

2 | REALITY: Where are we starting from?
- Tell me about your current situation. Describe it as honestly as you can, yet as objectively as possible.
- What are the difficulties that you face? Name the obstacles and how each is impacting your attitude.
- How are you resourcing yourself around this issue? In what ways have you sought to gain advice or consult expertise to work through this issue?
- What is your biggest area of discomfort about this issue? What is the one thing that is causing you the most stress and anxiety?

3 | OPTIONS: How can we get there?
- Tell me what you think are some options for a solution. List them, without preemptively dismissing possibilities.
- What else? Probe more deeply around all angles of the issue. V/hat are you missing? What other options might present themselves as you take on other perspectives?
- If there were no obstacles (like money or people) what else would you consider? If all options were possible, what would be the best path forward? (And having considered that, is it possible to choose an option that you have previously perceived as not an option?)

4 | WHAT WILL YOU DO? What will it take to get there?
- What do you need to do this? Having decided to move forward with a defined strategy, what are the specific things you will need to make it happen?
- How will you prioritize your options? How will you decide what needs to be done first and what can wait till further in the process?
- What one thing can you accomplish this week that will move you in the right direction? Commit to taking that action fearlessly.   How can I pray for you this week?


QUESTIONS  FOR  REFLECTION/DISCUSSION

1. How will thinking like a coach (rather than just a teacher) change your small group dynamic?
2. Which of the coaching skills (listening, encouraging, asking powerful questions, responding, negotiating) do you find most natural and which do you find most difficult?
3. What do you find most challenging about being a good listener when you are facilitating a group discussion? What frustrates you the most?
4. How can inspire/lead other participants in your group to also emulate these coaching skills?
5. What insights did you gain from learning about the GROW model that you can use in facilitating group growth?

KEY POINT:  FACILITATORS TALK LESS; ASK MORE QUESTIONS

Most of the time when we talk about equipping small group leaders, what we mean is that we are going to focus on preparing them to teach the materials. In terms of actually equipping people to do life differently because of their participation in the small group, this is not a very effective focus. Research shows that the retention/application rate for an instructional model of leading a group is somewhere between 20-40%. Contrast that with a facilitation/coaching approach where, in partnership with the participants, we help individuals discover connections with what they already know, benefit from new knowledge and perspectives they acquire as part of our work together, and challenge them to match their lifestyle to what they've learned. Using this model, the retention/application range is 60-80%. Obviously, the big win is not just disseminating information, but helping people see the way forward to doing life the way God's Word invites us to live.
This kind of partnership reflects a coaching approach to transformation. While this small group training guide is obviously not an in-depth resource to equip you for a professional coaching certification, there are some basic coaching skills that can be adapted to your small group leadership. If you can adjust your basic approach to a coaching mindset, the results can be dramatic.
Consider the following definition, using the word COACH as an acronym:

• C — Comes alongside.
• O — Observes carefully.
• A - Asks questions wisely.
• C - Communicates options and resources.
• H — Holds accountable (and cares for the heart).

A good coach will fulfill all the conditions spelled out in that acronym, but this ability to COACH doesn't happen by accident. While some people are naturally gifted with the qualities that enable this skill set, everyone can learn more about the tools and habits that underlie fundamental coaching techniques. And everyone who is going to facilitate a small group should do so. These coaching techniques are based on a specific, intentional set of skills, illustrated in the following pie-chart. The pie chart weights the relative value of the skills in the context of a standard coaching relationship, the kind of formal relationship in which a coach and coachee are working together to nurture the coachee's personal or professional growth.

For the purposes of small group leadership, aspects of this same coaching skill set can be appropriated to promote healthy, purposeful conversation within the small group, and also - perhaps most importantly - to promote healthy discipleship growth for each individual within the small group. This is, after all, our ultimate goal - to help individuals make steady progress in the dimensions of discipleship. Here is a breakdown of the basic coaching skill set and a further dissection of each of those skills as they might be applied within the small group leader context.

SKILL 1:  LISTENING

Active listening is the ability to focus completely on what is being said, as well as the sensitivity to understand what is not being said. It is the ability to understand the meaning of what is being said as a reflection of the speaker's needs and desires, while reinforcing the speaker's confidence and self-expression.
The characteristics and attitude that define an active listener are beneficial both in the context of one-to-one mentoring, as well as in a group discussion (or for that, matter in any conversation in any relationship or context).

ACTIVE LISTENING INVOLVES

• Being curious. Being fully present. Creating a safe space. Conveying value. Exploring possibilities. "Getting" someone. Active Listening is the function of specific intentional practices on the part of the listener (in this case the small group leader who is facilitating/guiding the conversation):
• Reflecting: Making observations which build on the speaker's comments by highlighting specific points and expanding on them.
• Paraphrasing: Repeating back what the speaker has said in slightly different words to clarify meaning.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU . . .

• Do pretend to listen? This is more obvious than you might expect. You might think you're getting away with faking interest, but people can tell when you are not engaged.
• Do you focus on their own response rather than what a person is saying? If we're investing our time and attention preparing what we'll say next, we miss the opportunity to be fully present for others.
• Do you send messages through your tone or body language?  Try to retain a neutral listening posture. If something needs to be challenged (via truth telling), do it with your words, not your body language.
• Do hijack the speaker's message? This is a gone-rogue version of reflecting in which we intentionally flip the speaker's words to make a point they didn't intend, tweak them to make a point that's near and dear to our own perspective, or use them as a jumping off point to launch another topic or stir up the other group members. We should respect a speaker's words and sentiment for what they are, not what we wish them to be.
• Do you look at your phone or clock? That's an obvious one, but we all are subject to the fantasy that we are the sole person on the planet who can successfully multi-task in a way that's not obnoxious or obtrusive.

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Vestibulum faucibus accumsan nulla, non faucibus velit convallis et. Nulla tempus placerat massa. 

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Vestibulum faucibus accumsan nulla, non faucibus velit convallis et. Nulla tempus placerat massa.