Faith-filled parenting

Most Christian parents have a strong desire to raise their children who will live and love like Jesus.  As a parent of two college-age boys, my desire is for them to find ways to experience God in daily life and to embrace their callings as they help fulfill God's dreams for the world.  I believe that faith is formed, through the power of the Holy Spirit, through personal, trusted relationships.  I want to be one of many people in their lives who will walk alongside them, and learn with and from them, about what it means to follow Jesus at home, at work, at school, online, and in our local community.  I want the rituals and routines of our time together to serve as learning laboratories for a life of faith. Some of our faith forming activities come from structured activities such as mealtime prayers, and periodic devotions but most bubble up from discussing a news article, an incident at work, anticipating what's going to happen next in a TV show, or having conservations about things that matter most while in the car, on a bike, or walking around the pond behind our house. Many pivot points of faith are drawn from meaningful, memorable moments that have become milestones marked by the cross of Christ. As a family, we've allowed the highs and lows of daily life to become curriculum for a developing a vibrant faith. Raising Christ-centered children doesn't happen by accident nor does it occur without looking for God to show up in the meaningful and mundane facets of our lives.

The following five questions have guided our approach to nurturing the spiritual lives of our children. My wife and I revisit these questions about once a quarter to reframe our next steps for serving as faith parents to our children.

I often hear parents about about what they want for their children related to their sports, college, or career plans. Rarely do I hear from parents about their hopes for their children's spiritual journey outside of being baptized or confirmed. This is our abbreviated list we use as a guide for supporting our children's spiritual growth. We want our children to:

• Know that they are unconditionally loved by God.
• View God is as an active presence in the world.
• Notice that God is "up to something" in their own lives.
• View God as Creator that cares for all of God's creation.
• See ourselves as stewards of God's creation, including how we care for ourselves.
• View prayer and reflecting on scripture as vehicles to know and experience Jesus.
• Experience self-acceptance, meaning and purpose by embracing their callings.
• Seek to follow in the way of Jesus, demonstrated by what they say, do, and prioritize.
• Practice being present to God and others.
• Make faith-related conversations with others a regular part of their daily life.

We want our children to see us being comfortable with who we are, and how God created us. This includes seeing us celebrate our strengths, acknowledge our shortcomings, manage successes and setbacks, and find ways to give and receive God's grace everyday. We remind our children that we love them and are proud of them, We share our hopes for them as they navigate new chapters in their lives. At dinner time, we offer prayers of gratitude, regret, and concerns for others. We talk about the decisions we make regarding giving, sharing, and serving and connect them to what we believe and value. The most fruitful conversations often bubble up when we comment on a news article, watch a movie, or hear about transitions taking place in peoples lives. It also shows up in what we don't say, which include not gossiping about others, not playing the role of a victim, and not complaining about things we can't control.  We believe that a life of faith doesn't "look" all that much different than most people's lives. What transforms our daily experiences, is when we view our homes, neighborhoods, work and school settings as sacred space, holy ground, and through the lens of being a Christ follower.

We began asking this question before we had children. I've been blessed with in-laws who have invested in the spiritual lives of our boys.They cheered them on at the soccer fields and in their milestones of faith. They share what they're learning about God and ways they see God using them to serve and bless others. They talk about God, Jesus, and the Spirit without the stilted language people often use when talking about God in public settings.

We have friends, family members, and work colleagues who have become part of our kid's web of support. They are comfortable talking about their Christian faith in winsome ways. They avoid offering advice and seek to create an atmosphere of wonder and inquiry through the questions they raise. My wife and I had numerous conversations about the people we wanted to invited into our children's lives. We asked:

• Who will be our children's godparents/faith sponsor?
• What role do we want our parents to play as faith parents?
• Who else might we enlist to be faith mentors for young people?

Our understanding of "family" goes far beyond blood relatives. We define family as anyone we'd allow to raid our refrigerator if we weren't home.

This question has been a crucial one as our children have discerned recent changes in college majors and careers. It's been easy to ask, "Where has God been in the midst of all this messiness?" It's a question all family members can ask and respond to given the ongoing transitions taking place in people's lives.

Helping children reflect on recent experiences in their life often lead to powerful conversations that connect faith and daily life, help surface what really matters, and what a live well-lived life looks like. Youth and young adults are surprisingly open about sharing their setbacks, break-ups, and disappointments in life if we take time to ask them.

I invite you to consider one last question: "What are your kids teaching you about life and faith?" As we walk alongside our children to support their spiritual growth, don't be surprised if they teach you a few things. Allow young people to challenge you, encourage you, mentor you, and to help you see faith from new perspectives. Remember, everyone is both a teacher and a student. Find ways to play both roles well!