Hear, O Israel: The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart. Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise. Bind them as a sign on your hand, fix them as an emblem on your forehead, and write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
Deuteronomy 6:4-9
AN INVITATION TO BE TRANSFORMED
Surface to Soul: Coaching Spiritual Vitality in Congregations is a workbook for leaders who seek spiritual vitality for themselves and the congregations they serve. it’s for pastors who have a passion for living out the Great commission and want to help people go deeper in their journey of faith. it’s for volunteer leaders and program staff who realize that the current way of practicing faith and doing church is not working and are willing to rethink assumptions, methods, and behaviors to get a different result. it’s for elders and council members who long to help reinvent the church but aren’t sure where to start and how to navigate the change that’s needed. Surface to Soul is for everyone who desires to live a vibrant faith that is authentic, available, and affirming!
When we talk about the process of creating deep and sustainable change among churches and their members, our Vibrant faith ministries team frequently describes the current faith formation process as a tattoo, where the actual change is skin deep and rubs off after a time, particularly after confirmation. Vibrant faith ministries aims to help pastors and lay leaders create home and congregational ecosystems that support lifelong faith formation and congregational vitality. in short, we’re about going deeper than a tattoo, that is, going from “surface to soul” to make vibrant faith part of your dNa—both at home and in your congregation. This workbook outlines our six-step coaching process that pastors and lay leaders may follow, with or without the assistance of a coach or consultant, to nurture spiritual vitality in congregations. This workbook is also a response to individuals who have attended our training events and have struggled to live into the change we advocate. it is for those who say, “We tried your program for a year and not much happened, so we dropped it.” We have found that these efforts take a commitment for the long haul and require leaders who will devote time and attention to the process. it’s true that without a consistent, long-term investment of time and leadership, congregational change efforts will fail, no matter the approach taken.
So, if you were hoping for the quick fix, wanting to try the ministry flavor of the month, or ready to pursue ten easy steps to a growing congregation, this workbook is not for you. But if you yearn for a vibrant congregational culture that actually transforms the spiritual lives of its faith community and are willing to invest the necessary time, energy, and resources over a period of time to make vibrant faith part of their DNA, then by all means, read on!
When we talk about the process of creating deep and sustainable change among churches and their members, our Vibrant faith ministries team frequently describes the current faith formation process as a tattoo, where the actual change is skin deep and rubs off after a time, particularly after confirmation. Vibrant faith ministries aims to help pastors and lay leaders create home and congregational ecosystems that support lifelong faith formation and congregational vitality. in short, we’re about going deeper than a tattoo, that is, going from “surface to soul” to make vibrant faith part of your dNa—both at home and in your congregation. This workbook outlines our six-step coaching process that pastors and lay leaders may follow, with or without the assistance of a coach or consultant, to nurture spiritual vitality in congregations. This workbook is also a response to individuals who have attended our training events and have struggled to live into the change we advocate. it is for those who say, “We tried your program for a year and not much happened, so we dropped it.” We have found that these efforts take a commitment for the long haul and require leaders who will devote time and attention to the process. it’s true that without a consistent, long-term investment of time and leadership, congregational change efforts will fail, no matter the approach taken.
So, if you were hoping for the quick fix, wanting to try the ministry flavor of the month, or ready to pursue ten easy steps to a growing congregation, this workbook is not for you. But if you yearn for a vibrant congregational culture that actually transforms the spiritual lives of its faith community and are willing to invest the necessary time, energy, and resources over a period of time to make vibrant faith part of their DNA, then by all means, read on!
A Coaching Approach to Change
Coaching is one of many pathways for empowering individuals, teams, and congregations to live into God’s preferred future. it’s an interactive, spiritual process that involves walking alongside pastors and lay leaders to wonder, “What is God up to in our life and in our ministries?” if done well, it results in developing followers of christ who bring out the best in others; they are able to get unstuck from their dilemmas and learn how to transfer their ideas and insights into tangible results.
for the ones being coached, coaching develops their capacity to continually live into God’s preferred future. it equips people with the tools, knowledge, and skills they need to develop themselves and, in turn, develop other leaders. it provides tools for pastors and lay leaders to question assumptions, remove roadblocks, and stay the course. it helps individuals and teams develop skills in three key areas:
Clarity is the key to productive change. coaches press leaders to have a clear under- standing of the big picture for one’s life, ministry, and congregation
At Vibrant faith ministries, our coaching philosophy views relationships as important as tasks, stories as important as strategies, people as more important than institutions, and building on strengths as important as addressing weaknesses. coaching is a continuous process rather than a single event or an occasional conversation. it looks and feels more like a dance than climbing a ladder. it recognizes that larger forces are at play and that a systems approach is needed. coaching methods vary based on the setting and the desired outcomes. Just as a golfer selects a particular club for particular shot, so also does a coach select appropri- ate tools that best fit the congregational setting. Some of the most effective tools a coach uses to help transform congregations are powerful questions. Questions can help reveal the most pressing issues facing a congregation, identify obstacles and bottlenecks in ministry, and lead to new pathways for moving forward in ministry. for example, a coach may raise questions with a pastoral team to help uncover personal beliefs and assumptions that hinder their ministry effectiveness. a coach may use questions to guide a leadership team through activities that help participants prioritize their action steps based on their core values. a coach may also use questions to facilitate brainstorming sessions designed to help reveal God’s preferred future for a congregation.
asking great questions is one of the keys to great results. Great questions have the power to change conversations by reframing what we discuss at leadership meetings and congregational events, how we approach challenges and opportunities, and how we deal with difficult people and delicate issues. You’ll find questions woven throughout this workbook and at the end of every chapter to help you focus on what matters most related to spiritual vitality and the cHaNGe process. i encourage you to take time to ask yourself and other leaders these questions.
Coaching is one of many pathways for empowering individuals, teams, and congregations to live into God’s preferred future. it’s an interactive, spiritual process that involves walking alongside pastors and lay leaders to wonder, “What is God up to in our life and in our ministries?” if done well, it results in developing followers of christ who bring out the best in others; they are able to get unstuck from their dilemmas and learn how to transfer their ideas and insights into tangible results.
for the ones being coached, coaching develops their capacity to continually live into God’s preferred future. it equips people with the tools, knowledge, and skills they need to develop themselves and, in turn, develop other leaders. it provides tools for pastors and lay leaders to question assumptions, remove roadblocks, and stay the course. it helps individuals and teams develop skills in three key areas:
- connecting with others in ways that build trust and teamwork
- communicating a clear and compelling vision and roadmap for action
- achieving desired outcomes through effective execution of stated goals
Clarity is the key to productive change. coaches press leaders to have a clear under- standing of the big picture for one’s life, ministry, and congregation
- the congregation’s current reality
- next steps for living into God’s preferred future, and
- people’s roles in the transformation process in essence, coaches are cHaNGe agents, helping bring out God’s best in each individual, team, and congregation.
At Vibrant faith ministries, our coaching philosophy views relationships as important as tasks, stories as important as strategies, people as more important than institutions, and building on strengths as important as addressing weaknesses. coaching is a continuous process rather than a single event or an occasional conversation. it looks and feels more like a dance than climbing a ladder. it recognizes that larger forces are at play and that a systems approach is needed. coaching methods vary based on the setting and the desired outcomes. Just as a golfer selects a particular club for particular shot, so also does a coach select appropri- ate tools that best fit the congregational setting. Some of the most effective tools a coach uses to help transform congregations are powerful questions. Questions can help reveal the most pressing issues facing a congregation, identify obstacles and bottlenecks in ministry, and lead to new pathways for moving forward in ministry. for example, a coach may raise questions with a pastoral team to help uncover personal beliefs and assumptions that hinder their ministry effectiveness. a coach may use questions to guide a leadership team through activities that help participants prioritize their action steps based on their core values. a coach may also use questions to facilitate brainstorming sessions designed to help reveal God’s preferred future for a congregation.
asking great questions is one of the keys to great results. Great questions have the power to change conversations by reframing what we discuss at leadership meetings and congregational events, how we approach challenges and opportunities, and how we deal with difficult people and delicate issues. You’ll find questions woven throughout this workbook and at the end of every chapter to help you focus on what matters most related to spiritual vitality and the cHaNGe process. i encourage you to take time to ask yourself and other leaders these questions.
The coaching process highlighted in this workbook is not a carryover of business coaching models but has been profoundly influenced by Harvard Business School professor John Kotter and the research he shares in his book Leading Change. According to Kotter, change efforts fail because leaders
Vibrant faith ministries’ coaching process, and this workbook in particular, seeks to be proactive in addressing these eight concerns. in addition, we suggest that coaches pay particular attention to the motivational aspects related to change, or “motivating the elephant,” as chip and dan Heath describe it in their book Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard. We have found that it really doesn’t matter if a congrega- tion has a compelling vision and great action plan if the leaders of the congregation lack the willingness to move forward when the going gets tough. change always leads to resistance and conflict, and if leaders aren’t sufficiently motivated to deal with the resistance head-on, they’ll most likely respond in one or more of the following ways, which are described in edwin friedman’s book A Failure of Nerve:
Effective coaches help others buy in to the change emotionally, develop ownership for change, and attend to the loss that people will experience as a result of letting old ways of doing, thinking, and being go by the wayside.
This workbook is designed to help a key congregational leader, such as the lead pastor, coach the cHaNGe process in the congregation he or she serves.
The approach presented here is one used by Vibrant faith ministries. it has a distinct spiritual component that attends to how the Spirit is blowing through an individual’s life or a community of faith. our coaches are informed facilitators with a spiritual and congregational bias who primarily work with individuals and teams who are committed to
• making vibrant faith practices a priority for themselves and their congregation, and • becoming transformational leaders who guide a congregation’s vitality efforts.
- allow too much complacency
- fail to create a sufficiently powerful guiding coalition
- underestimate the power of vision
- under-communicate the vision
- permit obstacles to block the new vision
- fail to create short-term wins
- declare victory too soon
- neglect to anchor changes firmly in the congregational culture
Vibrant faith ministries’ coaching process, and this workbook in particular, seeks to be proactive in addressing these eight concerns. in addition, we suggest that coaches pay particular attention to the motivational aspects related to change, or “motivating the elephant,” as chip and dan Heath describe it in their book Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard. We have found that it really doesn’t matter if a congrega- tion has a compelling vision and great action plan if the leaders of the congregation lack the willingness to move forward when the going gets tough. change always leads to resistance and conflict, and if leaders aren’t sufficiently motivated to deal with the resistance head-on, they’ll most likely respond in one or more of the following ways, which are described in edwin friedman’s book A Failure of Nerve:
- circle the wagons
- blame others
- think reactively
- look for quick fixes
Effective coaches help others buy in to the change emotionally, develop ownership for change, and attend to the loss that people will experience as a result of letting old ways of doing, thinking, and being go by the wayside.
This workbook is designed to help a key congregational leader, such as the lead pastor, coach the cHaNGe process in the congregation he or she serves.
The approach presented here is one used by Vibrant faith ministries. it has a distinct spiritual component that attends to how the Spirit is blowing through an individual’s life or a community of faith. our coaches are informed facilitators with a spiritual and congregational bias who primarily work with individuals and teams who are committed to
• making vibrant faith practices a priority for themselves and their congregation, and • becoming transformational leaders who guide a congregation’s vitality efforts.
A Framework for Creating a Culture of Vibrant Faith
Vibrant faith ministries encourages congregations to focus on the factors that have the greatest impact on spiritual vitality and has developed a Vibrant faith frame based on three decades of faith formation research that helps congregations concentrate their energies on the principles and practices that lead to a spiritually vibrant congregational culture. The Vibrant faith frame sets the church in two locations—home and congrega- tion—and helps people see what a culture of vibrant faith looks like from that perspec- tive. The Vibrant faith frame identifies Six Locations of ministry, five Principles of a vibrant church, and four Keys for practicing faith that result in people living a vibrant faith that is authentic, available, and affirming. Below is a summary of the Vibrant faith frame.
The Six Locations of Ministry
The Six Locations identified within the Vibrant faith frame illustrate that the work of the people of God is everywhere. it names the arenas where our incarnational God— the God disclosed in Jesus who enters the world as fully embodied and unconditionally part of creation—enters into our lives with grace, mercy, and peace. The places listed below describe where God’s presence is among us and where we may practice our faith every day, everywhere with everyone:
1. children and youth: they are recognized and equipped as disciples of Jesus christ.
2. Homes: every home is a place of worship and a mission outpost.
3. congregations: the congregation equips people to practice faith 24/7.
4. community : where faith is expressed in service to neighbor.
5. culture: christians experience God’s presence while being part of God’s. transformational work within culture.
6. creation: christians live as stewards of God’s handiwork in creation.
The Five Principles of a Vibrant Church
These five Principles describe how faith is formed and passed on from one generation to another. They describe the essence of the church and what it means to be part of the body of christ.
• faith is formed by the power of the Holy Spirit through personal, trusted relationships—often in our own homes.
• The church is a living partnership between the ministry of the congregation and the ministry of the home.
• Where christ is present in faith, the home is church, too.
• faith is caught more than it is taught.
• if we want christian children and youth, we need christian adults.
The Four Keys for Practicing Faith
The four Keys of caring conversation, devotions, service, and rituals and traditions are ways to practice the means of grace, extending God’s love and saving work to the world on a daily basis. These keys not only strengthen the faith lives of individuals and communities within households but they also serve as the means to strengthen congregational vitality through healthy, nurturing, faithful homes. each faith practice is described below:
Vibrant faith ministries encourages congregations to focus on the factors that have the greatest impact on spiritual vitality and has developed a Vibrant faith frame based on three decades of faith formation research that helps congregations concentrate their energies on the principles and practices that lead to a spiritually vibrant congregational culture. The Vibrant faith frame sets the church in two locations—home and congrega- tion—and helps people see what a culture of vibrant faith looks like from that perspec- tive. The Vibrant faith frame identifies Six Locations of ministry, five Principles of a vibrant church, and four Keys for practicing faith that result in people living a vibrant faith that is authentic, available, and affirming. Below is a summary of the Vibrant faith frame.
The Six Locations of Ministry
The Six Locations identified within the Vibrant faith frame illustrate that the work of the people of God is everywhere. it names the arenas where our incarnational God— the God disclosed in Jesus who enters the world as fully embodied and unconditionally part of creation—enters into our lives with grace, mercy, and peace. The places listed below describe where God’s presence is among us and where we may practice our faith every day, everywhere with everyone:
1. children and youth: they are recognized and equipped as disciples of Jesus christ.
2. Homes: every home is a place of worship and a mission outpost.
3. congregations: the congregation equips people to practice faith 24/7.
4. community : where faith is expressed in service to neighbor.
5. culture: christians experience God’s presence while being part of God’s. transformational work within culture.
6. creation: christians live as stewards of God’s handiwork in creation.
The Five Principles of a Vibrant Church
These five Principles describe how faith is formed and passed on from one generation to another. They describe the essence of the church and what it means to be part of the body of christ.
• faith is formed by the power of the Holy Spirit through personal, trusted relationships—often in our own homes.
• The church is a living partnership between the ministry of the congregation and the ministry of the home.
• Where christ is present in faith, the home is church, too.
• faith is caught more than it is taught.
• if we want christian children and youth, we need christian adults.
The Four Keys for Practicing Faith
The four Keys of caring conversation, devotions, service, and rituals and traditions are ways to practice the means of grace, extending God’s love and saving work to the world on a daily basis. These keys not only strengthen the faith lives of individuals and communities within households but they also serve as the means to strengthen congregational vitality through healthy, nurturing, faithful homes. each faith practice is described below:
- Caring conversation. Caring conversations express an interest in others—their hurts, their joys, their con- cerns and dreams, their values and faith. caring conversations require time to be available to listen and to speak. congregations are encouraged to help families identify the holy ground of their lives where precious, caring conversations take place and where lives are strengthened and nurtured by the love and mercy of God through the support and guidance of others and genuine interest in others.
- Devotions. Devotions are a way to practice the presence of God through the word of God. Many families and individuals need help with the language of prayer and faith in daily life. developing a devotional life involves developing a consciousness and a way of life more than following a formula to accomplish a certain task. family devotions connect the generations with the faith, hope, and love found in the gospel of Jesus christ and set against the backdrop of a world that often speaks and operates very differently.
- Service. Service to one’s neighbor is the calling we are given through the life and message of Jesus christ. for a christian, the love that we have first received from God motivates service. Service communicates that love to others and is a concrete expression of one’s own faith and values. family service projects are a vital way to pass on faith from generation to generation. children and youth are greatly influenced by the lives of others, especially the practices and priorities of parents and other family members.
- Rituals and Traditions. Rituals and traditions are patterns of behavior that occur on a routine basis and commu- nicate meaning in life. The way people greet one another each day, a table grace, bedtime prayers, the blessing of a christmas tree, a birthday or baptismal anniversary celebration are all examples of family rituals and traditions that can effectively communi- cate the good news of Jesus christ.
AAA Christians
A christian lives doing God’s work on earth today, affirming that God is alive and well blessing, serving, and gifting lives. Hence, we describe christians as aaa: authentic, available, and affirming. These individuals understand their faith as “under construction” and view faith formation as a lifelong process in which the Spirit continues to mold them and guide them. chapter 1 will address in more detail what it means to be authentic, available, and affirming.
The Six Steps of Change and the Change Agent’s Toolkit
The Six Steps of cHaNGe described in the following chapters guide the transformation process. for those of you who have created strategic plans for congregations, you may notice that the process is remarkably similar with the exception that the CHANGE steps also provide a much more detailed roadmap for navigating the transformational process.
The first step in the cHaNGe process, connect, focuses on building trusting, aaa relationships through caring conversations. These relationships are the foundation for successfully implementing the remaining steps. Step 2, Highlight, identifies the most pressing issues facing your congregation. Step 3, align, ensures that your congregation’s strategy, structure, language, and resources are focused on your desired outcomes. Step 4, Navigate, provides the specific roadmap and timetable for moving ministry forward, ensuring that the right things are done at the right time. Step 5, Guide, deals with how to monitor progress, celebrate wins, and address roadblocks that leaders will encounter as changes take place. Step 6, evaluate, describes ways to gather continuous feedback on leaders, programs, ministries, and change efforts and how to use this information to inform future actions and decision making.
The cHaNGe agent’s Toolkit exercises found at the end of this workbook pro- vides tools for helping pastors and lay leaders successfully navigate the six cHaNGe steps. They will support leaders in developing trusting aaa relationships, prioritizing efforts, ensuring thoughtful, consistent progress, and building the leadership capacities of your congregation. Like a set of weights, they will help build the faith and leadership muscles needed to create a culture of vibrant faith where a newly toned body of christ learns to practice faith every day, everywhere, with everyone. You’ll find that some of the tools lend themselves to personal reflection while others may be used to engage leadership teams and even the entire congregation in conversations about spiritual vitality. for additional tools and resources, please visit my blog, www.surfacetosoul.org.
a person learns to swim by jumping in the pool, immersing oneself in the process, and practicing! one doesn’t learn to swim by simply reading about swimming or talking to others who know how to swim. Practicing faith and creating a culture of vibrant faith is a lot like swimming in that it requires more doing than discussing. So jump in and learn what it means to be an aaa christian—one who is authentic, available, and affirming. Start swimming by doing the exercises found in the cHaNGe agent’s Toolkit. my hope is that congregations of all stripes (Baptists, Lutherans, Presbyterians, methodists, episcopalians, etc.), sizes (mission start to megachurch), and types (house church, multisite, and more) will find this workbook an impactful, time-saving guide for living into God’s preferred future. feel free to mark it up or copy a few pages to give and discuss with other leaders in your congregation. may the adventure begin!
A christian lives doing God’s work on earth today, affirming that God is alive and well blessing, serving, and gifting lives. Hence, we describe christians as aaa: authentic, available, and affirming. These individuals understand their faith as “under construction” and view faith formation as a lifelong process in which the Spirit continues to mold them and guide them. chapter 1 will address in more detail what it means to be authentic, available, and affirming.
The Six Steps of Change and the Change Agent’s Toolkit
The Six Steps of cHaNGe described in the following chapters guide the transformation process. for those of you who have created strategic plans for congregations, you may notice that the process is remarkably similar with the exception that the CHANGE steps also provide a much more detailed roadmap for navigating the transformational process.
The first step in the cHaNGe process, connect, focuses on building trusting, aaa relationships through caring conversations. These relationships are the foundation for successfully implementing the remaining steps. Step 2, Highlight, identifies the most pressing issues facing your congregation. Step 3, align, ensures that your congregation’s strategy, structure, language, and resources are focused on your desired outcomes. Step 4, Navigate, provides the specific roadmap and timetable for moving ministry forward, ensuring that the right things are done at the right time. Step 5, Guide, deals with how to monitor progress, celebrate wins, and address roadblocks that leaders will encounter as changes take place. Step 6, evaluate, describes ways to gather continuous feedback on leaders, programs, ministries, and change efforts and how to use this information to inform future actions and decision making.
The cHaNGe agent’s Toolkit exercises found at the end of this workbook pro- vides tools for helping pastors and lay leaders successfully navigate the six cHaNGe steps. They will support leaders in developing trusting aaa relationships, prioritizing efforts, ensuring thoughtful, consistent progress, and building the leadership capacities of your congregation. Like a set of weights, they will help build the faith and leadership muscles needed to create a culture of vibrant faith where a newly toned body of christ learns to practice faith every day, everywhere, with everyone. You’ll find that some of the tools lend themselves to personal reflection while others may be used to engage leadership teams and even the entire congregation in conversations about spiritual vitality. for additional tools and resources, please visit my blog, www.surfacetosoul.org.
a person learns to swim by jumping in the pool, immersing oneself in the process, and practicing! one doesn’t learn to swim by simply reading about swimming or talking to others who know how to swim. Practicing faith and creating a culture of vibrant faith is a lot like swimming in that it requires more doing than discussing. So jump in and learn what it means to be an aaa christian—one who is authentic, available, and affirming. Start swimming by doing the exercises found in the cHaNGe agent’s Toolkit. my hope is that congregations of all stripes (Baptists, Lutherans, Presbyterians, methodists, episcopalians, etc.), sizes (mission start to megachurch), and types (house church, multisite, and more) will find this workbook an impactful, time-saving guide for living into God’s preferred future. feel free to mark it up or copy a few pages to give and discuss with other leaders in your congregation. may the adventure begin!
QUESTIONS
- Why is such community so important in helping people grow spiritually?
- In what ways do you hope that small groups will help people be more intentional about their callings in life?
- How might small groups help people take their next step toward spiritual maturity?
- How is accountability currently experienced in your congregational context?
- How do you see it showing up in small group settings?
APPLICATIONS
- Why is such community so important in helping people grow spiritually?
- In what ways do you hope that small groups will help people be more intentional about their callings in life?
- How might small groups help people take their next step toward spiritual maturity?
- How is accountability currently experienced in your congregational context?
- How do you see it showing up in small group settings?
TOOLS
- Why is such community so important in helping people grow spiritually?
- In what ways do you hope that small groups will help people be more intentional about their callings in life?
- How might small groups help people take their next step toward spiritual maturity?
- How is accountability currently experienced in your congregational context?
- How do you see it showing up in small group settings?
AN INVITATION TO CHANGE, GROW AND BE TRANSFORMED
Surface To Soul: Coaching Spiritual Vitality in Congregations is a workbook for leaders who seek spiritual vitality for themselves and their congregation. It’s for pastors who have a passion for living out the Great Commission and want to help members go deeper in their journey of faith. It’s for lay leaders and program staff who realize that the current methods for forming faith are having limited impact and are willing to rethink assumptions and behaviors to get a different result. It's for elders and council members who long to help reinvent the church but aren’t sure where to start and how to navigate the change that’s needed. It’s for everyone who desires to live a vibrant faith that is authentic, available and affirming!
When we talk about the process of creating deep and sustainable change, our Vibrant Faith Ministries team frequently describes the current faith formation process as a tattoo, where the actual change is skin deep and tends to rub off after a period of time, particularly after confirmation. What Vibrant Faith Ministries is about is helping individuals and organizations create home and congregational ecosystems that support life-long faith formation and congregational vitality. In short, we're about making vibrant faith part of your DNA - at home and in your congregation.
This workbook is a response to individuals who have attended our training events but struggled to live into the change we advocated. It is for those who say, “We tried your program for a year and not much happened, so we dropped it.” What “tried it for awhile” typically meant was dabbling in a couple of ideas from our conferences, experimenting with a few “quick fixes” and then hoping somehow that the congregation's culture would be transformed as a result of these efforts.
This workbook is NOT for those who are looking for the quick fix, the ministry flavor of the month, and ten easy steps to a growing congregation. Rather it’s for those who yearn for a vibrant congregational culture that actually transforms the spiritual lives of its faith community and are willing to invest the necessary time, energy and resources over a period of time to make vibrant faith part of their DNA.
The Leadership Toolkit exercises found in this workbook are like a set of weights. Using the “weights” from this workbook will help develop the leadership capacities and faith muscles needed to bring about a culture of vibrant faith where a newly toned body of Christ learns to practice faith everyday, everywhere with everyone. A person learns to swim by jumping in the pool, immersing oneself in the process, and practicing! One doesn’t learn to swim by simply reading about swimming or talking to others who know how to swim. Practicing faith is a lot like swimming in that it requires more “doing” than discussing.
So jump in and learn what it means to be a AAA Christian - one who is authentic, available and affirming. Start “swimming” by doing the exercises found in the Leadership Toolkit. My hope is that congregations of all stripes (Baptists, Lutherans, Presbyterians, Methodists, Episcopalians, etc.), sizes (mission start to mega-church) and types (house church, multi-site and more) will view this workbook as a tool for spiritual transformation. Feel free to mark it up or copy a few pages to give and discuss with other team members. May the adventure begin! JIMTABLE OF CONTENTS
Vibrant Faith Ministries’ Coaching Philosophy
Vibrant Faith Ministries’ Vibrant Faith Frame is book..iv
A Framework for Creating a Culture of Vibrant Faith
Three decades of research on how to create a culture of vibrant faithVi
LIVING LIFE AS AAA CHRISTIANS
The Practices of Being Authentic, Available and Affirming10
CREATING A MINISTRY WORTH SUPPORTING
How the CHANGE process revitalizes a congregation15
COACHING “CHANGE”
1. CONNECT: Develop trusting, AAA relationships through caring conversations20
2. HIGHLIGHT: Identify the most pressing issues25
3. ALIGN: Link words and actions to mission and values30
4. NAVIGATE: Create daily, weekly, monthly and quarterly goals35
5. GUIDE: Track your progress, celebrating wins and remove roadblocks40
6. EVALUATE: Use insights from the past to re-imagine the future50
LEADERSHIP TOOLKIT
Tool #1: How Has God Shaped You
Tool #2: Taking Time for Sabbath Checklist
Tool #3: 33 Easy Ways To Affirm Others
Tool #4: Sharing My Life & Faith Story
Tool #5: Take the Caring Conversation Challenge
Tool #6: Stories to Capture on Video
Tool #7: Integrating the Four Keys
Tool #8: Check Your Ministry Pulse
Tool #9: Questions for Congregational Leaders
Tool #10: What Are Your Ministry Rocks?
Tool #11: Leadership Self-Assessment Checklist
Tool #12: Confidential Feedback Form
Tool #13: Healthy Team Checklist
Tool #14: Values Clarification Exercise
Tool #15: Congregational Vitality Audit
Tool #16: Sample Congregational Identity Form
Tool #17: Vibrant Faith Congregational Audit
Tool #18: Sample Congregational DNA Script
Tool #19: Sample Leadership Covenant
Tool #20: Meaningful Meetings Checklist
Tool #21: Integrating Your Core Values
Tool #22: Facilitating Change Readiness List
Tool #23: Sample Goal Setting Form
Tool #24: Removing Roadblocks Checklist
Tool #25: Sample Event Planning Form
Tool #26: Sample Event Evaluation Form
VIBRANT FAITH MINISTRIES’ COACHING PHILOSOPHY
Coaching is one of many pathways for empowering individuals, ministry teams, and congregations to live into God’s preferred future. It’s an interactive, spiritual process that involves walking alongside an individual, team or organization to wonder, “What is God up to in their life and in their ministries?” If done well, it results in developing followers of Christ who bring out the best in others, are able to get unstuck from their dilemmas, and learn how to transfer their ideas and insights into tangible results.
Coaching develops one's capacity to continually live into God's preferred future. It equips people with the tools, knowledge and skills they need to develop themselves and, in turn, develop other leaders. It provides tools for individuals and teams to question assumptions, remove roadblocks, and stay the course. It helps individuals and teams develop skills in three key areas:
Connecting with others
Communicating a common vision and using a common language, and
Achieving desired outcomes
Clarity is the key to productivity. Coaches press individuals and teams to:
Have a clear understanding the big picture for one’s life, ministry and congregation
Have a clear understanding of their current reality
Identify "next steps" for living into God's preferred future, and
Clarify people’s roles in the transformation process.
Our coaching philosophy views relationships as important as tasks, stories as important as strategies, people as more important than institutions, and building on strengths is as important as addressing weaknesses. Coaching is a continuous process rather than a single event or an occasional conversation and looks more like a dance than climbing a ladder. It recognizes that larger forces are at play and that a systems approach is needed.
Our coaching methods vary based on the setting and the desired outcomes. Just as a golfer selects a particular club for particular shot, so also does a coach select appropriate tools and methodologies that are dictated by the congregational landscape. A coach may work one on one with a lead pastor, guide a ministry team in self-directed learning, or help facilitate a brainstorming session with a task force.
The coaching process highlighted in this workbook is NOT a carry-over of business coaching models. The framework used by Vibrant Faith Ministries has a distinct spiritual component that attends to how the Spirit is blowing through an individual’s life or a community of faith. Our coaches are informed facilitators with a spiritual and congregational bias who primarily work with individuals and teams who are committed to:
Making vibrant faith practices a priority for themselves and their congregation
Becoming transformational leaders, and
Enhancing congregational vitality
For more information about VFM . . .A FRAMEWORK FOR CREATING A CULTURE OF VIBRANT FAITH
The majority of Vibrant Faith Ministries’ coaching involves helping congregations integrate the principles and practices that foster a culture of vibrant faith. What this vibrant faith culture looks like is summed up in our Vibrant Faith Frame where one is invited to think of church as being set in two locations - home and congregation. Although there are programmatic elements built into this unique vision, it's more than just another church program. The Vibrant Faith Frame uses the Six Places for shaping faith, informed by the Five Principles for passing on faith, to practice the Four Keys which result in people living a vibrant faith that is authentic, available and affirming. Below is an overview summary of the Vibrant Faith Frame.
The SIX PLACES for shaping faith
The Six places of Ministry acknowledge that the work of the people of God is everywhere. It names the arenas where our incarnational God—the God disclosed in Jesus who enters the world as fully embodied and unconditionally part of creation — enters into our lives with grace, mercy, and peace. The places listed below describe where God's presence is among us and where we may practice our faith everyday, everywhere, with everyone:
Children and youth
Homes
Congregations
Community
Culture
Creation
The FIVE PRINCIPLES for passing on faith
These principles describe how faith is formed and passed on from one generation to another. They describe the essence of the church and what it means to be part of the body of Christ. Listed below are the principles:
Faith is formed by the power of the Holy Spirit through personal trusted relationships—often in our own homes.
The church is a living partnership between the ministry of the congregation and the ministry of the home.
Where Christ is present in faith, the home is church, too.
Faith is caught more than it is taught.
If we want Christian children and youth, we need Christian adults.
The FOUR KEYS for practicing faith
The Four Keys of caring conversation, devotions, service, and rituals and traditions are ways to practice the means of grace that extend God’s love and saving work to the world on a daily basis. These keys not only strengthen the faith lives of individuals and communities within households, they also serve as the means to strengthen congregational vitality through healthy, nurturing, faithful homes. Each faith practice is described below:
CARING CONVERSATION
Caring conversations express an interest in others, their hurts, their joys, their concerns and dreams, their values and faith. Caring conversations require time to be available to listen and to speak. Congregations are encouraged to help families identify the holy ground of their lives where precious, caring conversations take place and where lives are strengthened and nurtured by the love and mercy of God through the support, guidance and genuine interest in others.
DEVOTIONS
A devotional life is a way to practice the presence of God through the word of God. Many families and individuals need help with the language of prayer and faith in daily life. A devotional life is more of a consciousness and way of life than a formula to accomplish a certain task. Family devotions connect the generations with faith, hope and love in a world that speaks and operates on a different basis than the gospel of Jesus Christ.
SERVICE
Service to one’s neighbor is the calling we are given through the life and message of Jesus Christ. For a Christian, service is motivated out of love that we have first received from God. Service communicates that love to others and is a concrete expression of one’s own faith and values. Family service projects have been shown to be a vital way to pass on faith from generation to generation. Children and youth are greatly influenced by what they see in the lives of others, especially parents and other family members.
RITUALS AND TRADITIONS
Rituals and traditions are those patterns of behavior that occur on a routine basis and communicate meaning in life. The way people greet one another each day, a table grace, bedtime prayers, the blessing of a Christmas tree, a birthday or baptismal anniversary celebration are all examples of family rituals and traditions that can effectively communicate the good news of Jesus Christ.
The Four Key faith practices offer simple and succinct ways to embody God’s reign in the world every day, everywhere. The good news shapes the conversations we have, defines what we are devoted to, motivates us to serve others, and informs our rituals and traditions that reinforce the values and priorities of God’s reign of grace, mercy, and peace in Christ.
Triple-A Christians
The Christian lives affirming that God is alive and well blessing, serving, and gifting lives, doing God’s work on earth today. Hence, we describe Christians as AAA: 1) Authentic, 2) Available and 3) Affirming. These individuals understand their faith as "under construction" and view faith formation as a life long process where the work of the Spirit continues to mold them and guide them. The following chapter will address what it means to be authentic, available and affirming. A brief summary of each trait is listed below:
BEING AUTHENTIC
Christians seeking to be authentic walk the talk. They worship regularly, pray daily and integrate the Four Keys into all aspects of their lives. The decisions they make are informed by their faith in Jesus Christ and the values they hold dear. They know that they are forgiven by God and, in turn, forgive others. They live with a sense of humility, grace, wonder and playfulness, and their words and actions are expressions of God's love.
BEING AVAILABLE
Christians who are available begin by being fully present to God. They wonder what God is up to in their life and discern how God might best use them. They also make themselves available to others, taking time to listen, learn, reflect, celebrate and ask questions.
BEING AFFIRMING
Christians seeking to be affirming experience God's grace and unconditional love for them. They embrace being children of God and remind others that they, too, are beloved by God and are precious in God's sight. They also take time to celebrate the gifts God has given them, discern their calling in life, and help others do the same.
Surface To Soul: Coaching Spiritual Vitality in Congregations is a workbook for leaders who seek spiritual vitality for themselves and their congregation. It’s for pastors who have a passion for living out the Great Commission and want to help members go deeper in their journey of faith. It’s for lay leaders and program staff who realize that the current methods for forming faith are having limited impact and are willing to rethink assumptions and behaviors to get a different result. It's for elders and council members who long to help reinvent the church but aren’t sure where to start and how to navigate the change that’s needed. It’s for everyone who desires to live a vibrant faith that is authentic, available and affirming!
When we talk about the process of creating deep and sustainable change, our Vibrant Faith Ministries team frequently describes the current faith formation process as a tattoo, where the actual change is skin deep and tends to rub off after a period of time, particularly after confirmation. What Vibrant Faith Ministries is about is helping individuals and organizations create home and congregational ecosystems that support life-long faith formation and congregational vitality. In short, we're about making vibrant faith part of your DNA - at home and in your congregation.
This workbook is a response to individuals who have attended our training events but struggled to live into the change we advocated. It is for those who say, “We tried your program for a year and not much happened, so we dropped it.” What “tried it for awhile” typically meant was dabbling in a couple of ideas from our conferences, experimenting with a few “quick fixes” and then hoping somehow that the congregation's culture would be transformed as a result of these efforts.
This workbook is NOT for those who are looking for the quick fix, the ministry flavor of the month, and ten easy steps to a growing congregation. Rather it’s for those who yearn for a vibrant congregational culture that actually transforms the spiritual lives of its faith community and are willing to invest the necessary time, energy and resources over a period of time to make vibrant faith part of their DNA.
The Leadership Toolkit exercises found in this workbook are like a set of weights. Using the “weights” from this workbook will help develop the leadership capacities and faith muscles needed to bring about a culture of vibrant faith where a newly toned body of Christ learns to practice faith everyday, everywhere with everyone. A person learns to swim by jumping in the pool, immersing oneself in the process, and practicing! One doesn’t learn to swim by simply reading about swimming or talking to others who know how to swim. Practicing faith is a lot like swimming in that it requires more “doing” than discussing.
So jump in and learn what it means to be a AAA Christian - one who is authentic, available and affirming. Start “swimming” by doing the exercises found in the Leadership Toolkit. My hope is that congregations of all stripes (Baptists, Lutherans, Presbyterians, Methodists, Episcopalians, etc.), sizes (mission start to mega-church) and types (house church, multi-site and more) will view this workbook as a tool for spiritual transformation. Feel free to mark it up or copy a few pages to give and discuss with other team members. May the adventure begin! JIMTABLE OF CONTENTS
Vibrant Faith Ministries’ Coaching Philosophy
Vibrant Faith Ministries’ Vibrant Faith Frame is book..iv
A Framework for Creating a Culture of Vibrant Faith
Three decades of research on how to create a culture of vibrant faithVi
LIVING LIFE AS AAA CHRISTIANS
The Practices of Being Authentic, Available and Affirming10
CREATING A MINISTRY WORTH SUPPORTING
How the CHANGE process revitalizes a congregation15
COACHING “CHANGE”
1. CONNECT: Develop trusting, AAA relationships through caring conversations20
2. HIGHLIGHT: Identify the most pressing issues25
3. ALIGN: Link words and actions to mission and values30
4. NAVIGATE: Create daily, weekly, monthly and quarterly goals35
5. GUIDE: Track your progress, celebrating wins and remove roadblocks40
6. EVALUATE: Use insights from the past to re-imagine the future50
LEADERSHIP TOOLKIT
Tool #1: How Has God Shaped You
Tool #2: Taking Time for Sabbath Checklist
Tool #3: 33 Easy Ways To Affirm Others
Tool #4: Sharing My Life & Faith Story
Tool #5: Take the Caring Conversation Challenge
Tool #6: Stories to Capture on Video
Tool #7: Integrating the Four Keys
Tool #8: Check Your Ministry Pulse
Tool #9: Questions for Congregational Leaders
Tool #10: What Are Your Ministry Rocks?
Tool #11: Leadership Self-Assessment Checklist
Tool #12: Confidential Feedback Form
Tool #13: Healthy Team Checklist
Tool #14: Values Clarification Exercise
Tool #15: Congregational Vitality Audit
Tool #16: Sample Congregational Identity Form
Tool #17: Vibrant Faith Congregational Audit
Tool #18: Sample Congregational DNA Script
Tool #19: Sample Leadership Covenant
Tool #20: Meaningful Meetings Checklist
Tool #21: Integrating Your Core Values
Tool #22: Facilitating Change Readiness List
Tool #23: Sample Goal Setting Form
Tool #24: Removing Roadblocks Checklist
Tool #25: Sample Event Planning Form
Tool #26: Sample Event Evaluation Form
VIBRANT FAITH MINISTRIES’ COACHING PHILOSOPHY
Coaching is one of many pathways for empowering individuals, ministry teams, and congregations to live into God’s preferred future. It’s an interactive, spiritual process that involves walking alongside an individual, team or organization to wonder, “What is God up to in their life and in their ministries?” If done well, it results in developing followers of Christ who bring out the best in others, are able to get unstuck from their dilemmas, and learn how to transfer their ideas and insights into tangible results.
Coaching develops one's capacity to continually live into God's preferred future. It equips people with the tools, knowledge and skills they need to develop themselves and, in turn, develop other leaders. It provides tools for individuals and teams to question assumptions, remove roadblocks, and stay the course. It helps individuals and teams develop skills in three key areas:
Connecting with others
Communicating a common vision and using a common language, and
Achieving desired outcomes
Clarity is the key to productivity. Coaches press individuals and teams to:
Have a clear understanding the big picture for one’s life, ministry and congregation
Have a clear understanding of their current reality
Identify "next steps" for living into God's preferred future, and
Clarify people’s roles in the transformation process.
Our coaching philosophy views relationships as important as tasks, stories as important as strategies, people as more important than institutions, and building on strengths is as important as addressing weaknesses. Coaching is a continuous process rather than a single event or an occasional conversation and looks more like a dance than climbing a ladder. It recognizes that larger forces are at play and that a systems approach is needed.
Our coaching methods vary based on the setting and the desired outcomes. Just as a golfer selects a particular club for particular shot, so also does a coach select appropriate tools and methodologies that are dictated by the congregational landscape. A coach may work one on one with a lead pastor, guide a ministry team in self-directed learning, or help facilitate a brainstorming session with a task force.
The coaching process highlighted in this workbook is NOT a carry-over of business coaching models. The framework used by Vibrant Faith Ministries has a distinct spiritual component that attends to how the Spirit is blowing through an individual’s life or a community of faith. Our coaches are informed facilitators with a spiritual and congregational bias who primarily work with individuals and teams who are committed to:
Making vibrant faith practices a priority for themselves and their congregation
Becoming transformational leaders, and
Enhancing congregational vitality
For more information about VFM . . .A FRAMEWORK FOR CREATING A CULTURE OF VIBRANT FAITH
The majority of Vibrant Faith Ministries’ coaching involves helping congregations integrate the principles and practices that foster a culture of vibrant faith. What this vibrant faith culture looks like is summed up in our Vibrant Faith Frame where one is invited to think of church as being set in two locations - home and congregation. Although there are programmatic elements built into this unique vision, it's more than just another church program. The Vibrant Faith Frame uses the Six Places for shaping faith, informed by the Five Principles for passing on faith, to practice the Four Keys which result in people living a vibrant faith that is authentic, available and affirming. Below is an overview summary of the Vibrant Faith Frame.
The SIX PLACES for shaping faith
The Six places of Ministry acknowledge that the work of the people of God is everywhere. It names the arenas where our incarnational God—the God disclosed in Jesus who enters the world as fully embodied and unconditionally part of creation — enters into our lives with grace, mercy, and peace. The places listed below describe where God's presence is among us and where we may practice our faith everyday, everywhere, with everyone:
Children and youth
Homes
Congregations
Community
Culture
Creation
The FIVE PRINCIPLES for passing on faith
These principles describe how faith is formed and passed on from one generation to another. They describe the essence of the church and what it means to be part of the body of Christ. Listed below are the principles:
Faith is formed by the power of the Holy Spirit through personal trusted relationships—often in our own homes.
The church is a living partnership between the ministry of the congregation and the ministry of the home.
Where Christ is present in faith, the home is church, too.
Faith is caught more than it is taught.
If we want Christian children and youth, we need Christian adults.
The FOUR KEYS for practicing faith
The Four Keys of caring conversation, devotions, service, and rituals and traditions are ways to practice the means of grace that extend God’s love and saving work to the world on a daily basis. These keys not only strengthen the faith lives of individuals and communities within households, they also serve as the means to strengthen congregational vitality through healthy, nurturing, faithful homes. Each faith practice is described below:
CARING CONVERSATION
Caring conversations express an interest in others, their hurts, their joys, their concerns and dreams, their values and faith. Caring conversations require time to be available to listen and to speak. Congregations are encouraged to help families identify the holy ground of their lives where precious, caring conversations take place and where lives are strengthened and nurtured by the love and mercy of God through the support, guidance and genuine interest in others.
DEVOTIONS
A devotional life is a way to practice the presence of God through the word of God. Many families and individuals need help with the language of prayer and faith in daily life. A devotional life is more of a consciousness and way of life than a formula to accomplish a certain task. Family devotions connect the generations with faith, hope and love in a world that speaks and operates on a different basis than the gospel of Jesus Christ.
SERVICE
Service to one’s neighbor is the calling we are given through the life and message of Jesus Christ. For a Christian, service is motivated out of love that we have first received from God. Service communicates that love to others and is a concrete expression of one’s own faith and values. Family service projects have been shown to be a vital way to pass on faith from generation to generation. Children and youth are greatly influenced by what they see in the lives of others, especially parents and other family members.
RITUALS AND TRADITIONS
Rituals and traditions are those patterns of behavior that occur on a routine basis and communicate meaning in life. The way people greet one another each day, a table grace, bedtime prayers, the blessing of a Christmas tree, a birthday or baptismal anniversary celebration are all examples of family rituals and traditions that can effectively communicate the good news of Jesus Christ.
The Four Key faith practices offer simple and succinct ways to embody God’s reign in the world every day, everywhere. The good news shapes the conversations we have, defines what we are devoted to, motivates us to serve others, and informs our rituals and traditions that reinforce the values and priorities of God’s reign of grace, mercy, and peace in Christ.
Triple-A Christians
The Christian lives affirming that God is alive and well blessing, serving, and gifting lives, doing God’s work on earth today. Hence, we describe Christians as AAA: 1) Authentic, 2) Available and 3) Affirming. These individuals understand their faith as "under construction" and view faith formation as a life long process where the work of the Spirit continues to mold them and guide them. The following chapter will address what it means to be authentic, available and affirming. A brief summary of each trait is listed below:
BEING AUTHENTIC
Christians seeking to be authentic walk the talk. They worship regularly, pray daily and integrate the Four Keys into all aspects of their lives. The decisions they make are informed by their faith in Jesus Christ and the values they hold dear. They know that they are forgiven by God and, in turn, forgive others. They live with a sense of humility, grace, wonder and playfulness, and their words and actions are expressions of God's love.
BEING AVAILABLE
Christians who are available begin by being fully present to God. They wonder what God is up to in their life and discern how God might best use them. They also make themselves available to others, taking time to listen, learn, reflect, celebrate and ask questions.
BEING AFFIRMING
Christians seeking to be affirming experience God's grace and unconditional love for them. They embrace being children of God and remind others that they, too, are beloved by God and are precious in God's sight. They also take time to celebrate the gifts God has given them, discern their calling in life, and help others do the same.
Living as AAA Christians
“Faith is formed by the power of the Holy Spirit through personal, trusted relationships,
often in our own homes.”
- David Anderson & Paul Hill, Frogs Without Legs Can’t Hear
“To refer to the Church as a building is to call people 2 x 4's.”
- Shane Claiborne, The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical
Most of us can name the individuals who inspire us in our life and faith journeys. They have a way of bringing out the best in others and finding ways to make God the subject of their conversations. They are aware of God's presence in their life and point others to Jesus through their words and actions. They regularly model the characteristics AND spiritual practices of being authentic, available and affirming.
An elderly woman by the name of Myrtle comes to mind for me. Myrtle was a retired elementary school teacher who was passionate about children and youth. She used to stand outside the main entrance of a congregation I served and look for anyone under 48 inches tall. She would greet these young people, introduce herself to them and offer them a small treat. In the process, she’d get to know their names, learn about their family members and find out their interests. Then she’d remind them that she would be praying for them during the week, and that she’d be looking for them the following Sunday. As her Sunday morning ritual continued, we’d hear comments from parents stating, “We thought about skipping worship this morning but our kids told us that we had to go so they’d get to see Myrtle.”
Myrtle was one of those individuals who practiced being authentic, available and affirming. She modeled what it meant to be a life-long learner who practiced her faith everyday, everywhere. I remember thinking, “I wish we could clone her” because of the way she impacted so many young people’s lives. We knew that wasn’t an option, but we could encourage every member to be a “Myrtle” in their own way.
THE PRACTICE OF BEING AUTHENTIC
Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we we're supposed to be and embracing who God made us to be. The foundation for being authentic is understanding that we are children of God who are loved unconditionally by our Creator. It leads us to name our imperfections and have the courage to be vulnerable.
Being authentic shows up when we:
Share our joys and sorrows; our dreams and disappointments; our achievements and our challenges
Invite people into our homes even when it has that unkept, ‘lived in” look
Wear clothing that we’re comfortable in but may not be fashionable
No longer pretend that everything is okay when it isn’t
Open ourselves to being attacked or criticized when leading
Voice unpopular opinions or confront inappropriate behavior
Turn off the mental tapes that try convince us that we’re not good enough
Quit making decisions based on how others will perceive us
Acknowledge that life is messy and imperfect
Step out of our comfort zones, refusing to play it safe
Choose to be real rather than liked
View everyone as a beloved child of God
Being authentic gives us permission to experience and express a full range of emotions - from joy to sadness, from love to anger, and from hope to disillusionment. It’s when we refuse to numb the pain that often comes with many of these emotions. In a Ted Talk presentation on Vulnerability, Brene Brown shares that when we numb pain, we also numb our capacity to experience joy. She challenges her audience to live “wholeheartedly,” having the courage to reveal our true self.
Practicing authenticity is not about being right, it’s about being real. It’s not about having the license to say things that are hurtful to people but rather to speak truth in ways that are clear. honest and life-affirming. Choosing to be authentic can be both life-giving and life-draining. It can be a liberating experience when we express our real selves to others without pretenses - in essence to let it all hang out. It can be exhausting when we resist what society tells us what we should think, buy, behave, believe and value. There is a risk in putting our true self out in the world but there's an even greater risk in hiding ourself and our gifts to the world. Authentic people speak their truth - not swallow it.
One of the roadblocks for people seeking to be authentic is perfectionism. When we choose perfectionism, we buy into the belief that our worthiness is connected to how perfect we live, look and act. Our perfectionism becomes a shield that prevents others from seeing who we really are. Our perfectionistic tendencies often show up in our language when we say things such as:
I need to lose 10 pounds
I should have known better than to . . .
I have to spend more time . . .
I ought to sign up for . . .
One of my favorite quotes is from Anna Quindlen where she states, “The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” When we choose to be authentic, we give ourselves permission to be imperfect, to be transparent, to be unique, and to be who God made us to be.
A key element in the practice of being authentic involves living into one’s vocation or calling. The idea of vocation is central to the Christian belief that God has created each person with gifts and talents oriented towards specific purposes and a way of life. Living into our Christian vocation challenges us to use our God-given gifts in our profession, our family life, our congregation and our community for the sake of the greater common good. The Catechism of the Catholic Church states, “Love is the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being.” Living into our vocation is about learning to be an expression of God’s love everyday, everywhere, with every person.
Living into our vocation is about participating in the priesthood of all believers. In Volume 6 of Luther’s Works, the reformer declares that “Through baptism we all have been ordained priests.” As priests, we are charged with praying for others, proclaiming the word, confessing our sins to each other, and sharing the love of Christ wherever we go. It’s how we live as children of God. Living into our vocation is a spiritual discernment process where we first understand that we are called to ENJOY God’s presence in and among us, and then are sent into this world to DEPLOY our God-given gifts, talents, life experiences and passions for the sake of the kingdom.
Experiences that have helped me discern my vocation and identity in Christ include meeting with spiritual directors, taking monthly retreats at a local catholic monastery, participating in a “Discover Who You Are” LifeKeys course at my home congregation and then helping others discern their uniqueness in Christ. I’ve been blessed with many spiritual mentors and faith parents throughout my life who have helped me discover and develop my gifts, identify my passions and pursue my callings. I invite you to consider what individuals, experiences or settings might support your efforts in living into your vocation.
If you’re a golfer, you know when your club head connects perfectly with the ball. It just feels right and typically the distance and direction of the ball proves it as well. My goal as a golfer is to hit this “sweet spot” as many times as possible throughout a round of golf. In life, I also try to connect as frequently as possible with my “sweet spot” where I’m doing the right work, with the right people, in the right place, at the right time. By focusing on our “sweet spots” we are able to live more fully into our vocation. This is what John Ortberg calls, “living in the flow.” In the Leadership Toolkit portion of this workbook, you’ll find a form called “How Has God Shaped You” (Tool # 1) This is a form that I use regularly - both for personal reflection and as a tool for getting to know and better understand the gifts and graces of my colleagues in ministry.
THE PRACTICE OF BEING AVAILABLE
A number of years ago, I attended a community organizing training event in Chicago through the Gamaliel Institute. As part of the training we had to sit down, 1-on-1 with other participants, and learn each other’s backgrounds and stories. What started out as a relatively stiff and awkward exercise quickly grew into very meaningful and authentic encounters with each other. By the end of the week, we knew each other’s ups and downs in life, their beliefs and values, and their hopes and dreams. A fellow commented at the end of the training that, “I know the people in this room better and my own family members – but that’s going to change!” His action plan upon returning home was to take his wife out for a leisurely date and start asking her some questions he never bothered to ask beforehand. He was going to meet 1-on-1 with his direct reports – not to just discuss their business plans but also to learn about their backgrounds and family members. He was going to start having meaningful exchanges with bank tellers and grocery store clerks that, by his own admission, he had rarely ever made eye contact with.
To be present is far from being a trivial task. It’s one of the It hardest assignments I was given while in college. Some of the questions I was asked by the spiritual director I met with during college included:
In what circumstances, and with whom, are you able to be fully present?
Do you know others who maintain a high degree of being present?
What prevents you from this state of attentiveness?
What techniques do you use for being fully present?
Are you fully present now?
Being available to others involves practicing being fully present as Jesus was with the woman at the well. A pastor I know closes their team meetings with the phrase, "Wherever you are, be there." A pastor I coach recently commented, "I wonder how far can I stretch myself before I’m no longer there?" Being available for others requires establishing adequate margins in our life to ensure that we're not rushed and preoccupied. It requires letting go of the pride we exhibit when talking about how busy we are, as if our busyness is a reflection of our self-worth. It requires slowing down to the speed of life so that we can find moments of sabbath - to be refreshed, reenergized and centered in what God is calling us to be and do. If you struggle with what to invite into to your life and what lot let go of, consider reading the book, Repacking Your Bags: Lighten Your Load for the Rest of Your LIfe, by Richard Leider and David Shapiro. For further insights, complete the “Taking Time for Sabbath Checklist” (Tool # 2) found in the Leadership Toolkit.
THE PRACTICE OF BEING AFFIRMING
Being an affirming presence in the lives of others begins with internalizing God's message of unconditional love for us. Only when we embrace God’s unconditional love for us can we extend that same message of grace to others.
A family birthday tradition we recently began includes reading an abbreviated version of Henry Nouwen’s thoughts on the significance of birthdays found below:
“Birthdays need to be celebrated because to celebrate a birthday means to say to someone thank you for being you. Celebrating a birthday is exalting life and being glad for it. On a birthday we do not say ‘thanks for what you did or said or accomplished’ no, we say ‘thank you for being born and being among us’. On birthdays we celebrate the present.
We do not complain about what happened or speculate about what will happen but we lift someone up and let everyone say ‘we love you’. Celebrating a birthday reminds us of the goodness of life and in this spirit we really need to celebrate people’s birthdays every day by showing gratitude, kindness, forgiveness, gentleness and affection. These are ways of saying ‘it’s good that you are alive’; ‘it’s good that you are walking with me on this earth’,
let’s be glad and rejoice. This is the day that God has made for us to be and to be together.’”
Dr. Stephen Lundin, a professor of mine and co-author of the book and video, FISH, used to show this same video in our business class to help students learn how to energize and engage customers by using the four basic messages taught to every employee at Seattle’s Pike’s Place Fish Market:
Play!
Be there
Choose your attitude
Make their day
Take a break from this workbook to view the hilarious and insightful FISH video footage on Youtube and then consider what might happen if every Christian, began their morning with a prayer like this:
“Dear Jesus, help me to be fully present for each person I encounter. Give me a spirit of
playfulness, an attitude of gratitude and a servant’s heart. Show me how I can be a
blessing to others and a source of hope and inspiration.”
I often wonder how the church might be perceived differently if we gave more than lip service to those same messages. I think our congregations need to become more like the “Cheers” bar where there are people who know our names and are genuinely glad to see each other.
After walking “Joey,” our neighbor’s dog, my youngest son said to me one day, “People need to be more like Joey” He was referring to how dogs race up to people, wagging their tales, obviously excited to be in the presence of others. Every time I read the Prodigal Son story I’m challenged to consider how I might be filled with a generous and welcoming spirit, extending unconditional love to others. Take a moment to view the “33 Easy Ways To Affirm Others” form (Tool #3) and explore ways to expand your capacity to affirm others.
Vital congregations are made up of people who possess and practice vibrant faith. The change we desire for our congregations begins when we personally commit to living as AAA Christians who practice being authentic, available and affirming in our daily encounters. Living as AAA Christians is something we work towards everyday but never fully achieve. The hope is that these practices will permeate our homes, our work settings and in our communities. These practices will help sustain an environment where the Spirit blows through our lives. May we celebrate when they’re fully present in our words and actions, and may we offer grace to ourselves and others when they seem lacking.
____________________________________________________________________________
Questions to Ponder
Who were the “Myrtles” in your life that were authentic, available and affirming for you?
Who are the “Myrtles” in your congregation? What exactly do they do? How might we learn from them?
What do you need to pay closer attention to in order to be a AAA presence in other people’s lives?
What are some ways your congregation could become more like the “Cheers” bar where everyone knows your name?
“Faith is formed by the power of the Holy Spirit through personal, trusted relationships,
often in our own homes.”
- David Anderson & Paul Hill, Frogs Without Legs Can’t Hear
“To refer to the Church as a building is to call people 2 x 4's.”
- Shane Claiborne, The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical
Most of us can name the individuals who inspire us in our life and faith journeys. They have a way of bringing out the best in others and finding ways to make God the subject of their conversations. They are aware of God's presence in their life and point others to Jesus through their words and actions. They regularly model the characteristics AND spiritual practices of being authentic, available and affirming.
An elderly woman by the name of Myrtle comes to mind for me. Myrtle was a retired elementary school teacher who was passionate about children and youth. She used to stand outside the main entrance of a congregation I served and look for anyone under 48 inches tall. She would greet these young people, introduce herself to them and offer them a small treat. In the process, she’d get to know their names, learn about their family members and find out their interests. Then she’d remind them that she would be praying for them during the week, and that she’d be looking for them the following Sunday. As her Sunday morning ritual continued, we’d hear comments from parents stating, “We thought about skipping worship this morning but our kids told us that we had to go so they’d get to see Myrtle.”
Myrtle was one of those individuals who practiced being authentic, available and affirming. She modeled what it meant to be a life-long learner who practiced her faith everyday, everywhere. I remember thinking, “I wish we could clone her” because of the way she impacted so many young people’s lives. We knew that wasn’t an option, but we could encourage every member to be a “Myrtle” in their own way.
THE PRACTICE OF BEING AUTHENTIC
Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we we're supposed to be and embracing who God made us to be. The foundation for being authentic is understanding that we are children of God who are loved unconditionally by our Creator. It leads us to name our imperfections and have the courage to be vulnerable.
Being authentic shows up when we:
Share our joys and sorrows; our dreams and disappointments; our achievements and our challenges
Invite people into our homes even when it has that unkept, ‘lived in” look
Wear clothing that we’re comfortable in but may not be fashionable
No longer pretend that everything is okay when it isn’t
Open ourselves to being attacked or criticized when leading
Voice unpopular opinions or confront inappropriate behavior
Turn off the mental tapes that try convince us that we’re not good enough
Quit making decisions based on how others will perceive us
Acknowledge that life is messy and imperfect
Step out of our comfort zones, refusing to play it safe
Choose to be real rather than liked
View everyone as a beloved child of God
Being authentic gives us permission to experience and express a full range of emotions - from joy to sadness, from love to anger, and from hope to disillusionment. It’s when we refuse to numb the pain that often comes with many of these emotions. In a Ted Talk presentation on Vulnerability, Brene Brown shares that when we numb pain, we also numb our capacity to experience joy. She challenges her audience to live “wholeheartedly,” having the courage to reveal our true self.
Practicing authenticity is not about being right, it’s about being real. It’s not about having the license to say things that are hurtful to people but rather to speak truth in ways that are clear. honest and life-affirming. Choosing to be authentic can be both life-giving and life-draining. It can be a liberating experience when we express our real selves to others without pretenses - in essence to let it all hang out. It can be exhausting when we resist what society tells us what we should think, buy, behave, believe and value. There is a risk in putting our true self out in the world but there's an even greater risk in hiding ourself and our gifts to the world. Authentic people speak their truth - not swallow it.
One of the roadblocks for people seeking to be authentic is perfectionism. When we choose perfectionism, we buy into the belief that our worthiness is connected to how perfect we live, look and act. Our perfectionism becomes a shield that prevents others from seeing who we really are. Our perfectionistic tendencies often show up in our language when we say things such as:
I need to lose 10 pounds
I should have known better than to . . .
I have to spend more time . . .
I ought to sign up for . . .
One of my favorite quotes is from Anna Quindlen where she states, “The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” When we choose to be authentic, we give ourselves permission to be imperfect, to be transparent, to be unique, and to be who God made us to be.
A key element in the practice of being authentic involves living into one’s vocation or calling. The idea of vocation is central to the Christian belief that God has created each person with gifts and talents oriented towards specific purposes and a way of life. Living into our Christian vocation challenges us to use our God-given gifts in our profession, our family life, our congregation and our community for the sake of the greater common good. The Catechism of the Catholic Church states, “Love is the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being.” Living into our vocation is about learning to be an expression of God’s love everyday, everywhere, with every person.
Living into our vocation is about participating in the priesthood of all believers. In Volume 6 of Luther’s Works, the reformer declares that “Through baptism we all have been ordained priests.” As priests, we are charged with praying for others, proclaiming the word, confessing our sins to each other, and sharing the love of Christ wherever we go. It’s how we live as children of God. Living into our vocation is a spiritual discernment process where we first understand that we are called to ENJOY God’s presence in and among us, and then are sent into this world to DEPLOY our God-given gifts, talents, life experiences and passions for the sake of the kingdom.
Experiences that have helped me discern my vocation and identity in Christ include meeting with spiritual directors, taking monthly retreats at a local catholic monastery, participating in a “Discover Who You Are” LifeKeys course at my home congregation and then helping others discern their uniqueness in Christ. I’ve been blessed with many spiritual mentors and faith parents throughout my life who have helped me discover and develop my gifts, identify my passions and pursue my callings. I invite you to consider what individuals, experiences or settings might support your efforts in living into your vocation.
If you’re a golfer, you know when your club head connects perfectly with the ball. It just feels right and typically the distance and direction of the ball proves it as well. My goal as a golfer is to hit this “sweet spot” as many times as possible throughout a round of golf. In life, I also try to connect as frequently as possible with my “sweet spot” where I’m doing the right work, with the right people, in the right place, at the right time. By focusing on our “sweet spots” we are able to live more fully into our vocation. This is what John Ortberg calls, “living in the flow.” In the Leadership Toolkit portion of this workbook, you’ll find a form called “How Has God Shaped You” (Tool # 1) This is a form that I use regularly - both for personal reflection and as a tool for getting to know and better understand the gifts and graces of my colleagues in ministry.
THE PRACTICE OF BEING AVAILABLE
A number of years ago, I attended a community organizing training event in Chicago through the Gamaliel Institute. As part of the training we had to sit down, 1-on-1 with other participants, and learn each other’s backgrounds and stories. What started out as a relatively stiff and awkward exercise quickly grew into very meaningful and authentic encounters with each other. By the end of the week, we knew each other’s ups and downs in life, their beliefs and values, and their hopes and dreams. A fellow commented at the end of the training that, “I know the people in this room better and my own family members – but that’s going to change!” His action plan upon returning home was to take his wife out for a leisurely date and start asking her some questions he never bothered to ask beforehand. He was going to meet 1-on-1 with his direct reports – not to just discuss their business plans but also to learn about their backgrounds and family members. He was going to start having meaningful exchanges with bank tellers and grocery store clerks that, by his own admission, he had rarely ever made eye contact with.
To be present is far from being a trivial task. It’s one of the It hardest assignments I was given while in college. Some of the questions I was asked by the spiritual director I met with during college included:
In what circumstances, and with whom, are you able to be fully present?
Do you know others who maintain a high degree of being present?
What prevents you from this state of attentiveness?
What techniques do you use for being fully present?
Are you fully present now?
Being available to others involves practicing being fully present as Jesus was with the woman at the well. A pastor I know closes their team meetings with the phrase, "Wherever you are, be there." A pastor I coach recently commented, "I wonder how far can I stretch myself before I’m no longer there?" Being available for others requires establishing adequate margins in our life to ensure that we're not rushed and preoccupied. It requires letting go of the pride we exhibit when talking about how busy we are, as if our busyness is a reflection of our self-worth. It requires slowing down to the speed of life so that we can find moments of sabbath - to be refreshed, reenergized and centered in what God is calling us to be and do. If you struggle with what to invite into to your life and what lot let go of, consider reading the book, Repacking Your Bags: Lighten Your Load for the Rest of Your LIfe, by Richard Leider and David Shapiro. For further insights, complete the “Taking Time for Sabbath Checklist” (Tool # 2) found in the Leadership Toolkit.
THE PRACTICE OF BEING AFFIRMING
Being an affirming presence in the lives of others begins with internalizing God's message of unconditional love for us. Only when we embrace God’s unconditional love for us can we extend that same message of grace to others.
A family birthday tradition we recently began includes reading an abbreviated version of Henry Nouwen’s thoughts on the significance of birthdays found below:
“Birthdays need to be celebrated because to celebrate a birthday means to say to someone thank you for being you. Celebrating a birthday is exalting life and being glad for it. On a birthday we do not say ‘thanks for what you did or said or accomplished’ no, we say ‘thank you for being born and being among us’. On birthdays we celebrate the present.
We do not complain about what happened or speculate about what will happen but we lift someone up and let everyone say ‘we love you’. Celebrating a birthday reminds us of the goodness of life and in this spirit we really need to celebrate people’s birthdays every day by showing gratitude, kindness, forgiveness, gentleness and affection. These are ways of saying ‘it’s good that you are alive’; ‘it’s good that you are walking with me on this earth’,
let’s be glad and rejoice. This is the day that God has made for us to be and to be together.’”
Dr. Stephen Lundin, a professor of mine and co-author of the book and video, FISH, used to show this same video in our business class to help students learn how to energize and engage customers by using the four basic messages taught to every employee at Seattle’s Pike’s Place Fish Market:
Play!
Be there
Choose your attitude
Make their day
Take a break from this workbook to view the hilarious and insightful FISH video footage on Youtube and then consider what might happen if every Christian, began their morning with a prayer like this:
“Dear Jesus, help me to be fully present for each person I encounter. Give me a spirit of
playfulness, an attitude of gratitude and a servant’s heart. Show me how I can be a
blessing to others and a source of hope and inspiration.”
I often wonder how the church might be perceived differently if we gave more than lip service to those same messages. I think our congregations need to become more like the “Cheers” bar where there are people who know our names and are genuinely glad to see each other.
After walking “Joey,” our neighbor’s dog, my youngest son said to me one day, “People need to be more like Joey” He was referring to how dogs race up to people, wagging their tales, obviously excited to be in the presence of others. Every time I read the Prodigal Son story I’m challenged to consider how I might be filled with a generous and welcoming spirit, extending unconditional love to others. Take a moment to view the “33 Easy Ways To Affirm Others” form (Tool #3) and explore ways to expand your capacity to affirm others.
Vital congregations are made up of people who possess and practice vibrant faith. The change we desire for our congregations begins when we personally commit to living as AAA Christians who practice being authentic, available and affirming in our daily encounters. Living as AAA Christians is something we work towards everyday but never fully achieve. The hope is that these practices will permeate our homes, our work settings and in our communities. These practices will help sustain an environment where the Spirit blows through our lives. May we celebrate when they’re fully present in our words and actions, and may we offer grace to ourselves and others when they seem lacking.
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Questions to Ponder
Who were the “Myrtles” in your life that were authentic, available and affirming for you?
Who are the “Myrtles” in your congregation? What exactly do they do? How might we learn from them?
What do you need to pay closer attention to in order to be a AAA presence in other people’s lives?
What are some ways your congregation could become more like the “Cheers” bar where everyone knows your name?