The art of using direct communication

"As a coach, it is sometimes appropriate to interrupt a client during their coaching session."



Some of the best feedback I've received after a guinea pig coaching session was that while I had asked good questions, when my guinea pig friend changed the subject partway through, I asked her more relevant questions regarding this secondary topic. We ended up talking longer than either of us intended, covering both issues she'd brought up. When I later asked for feedback, she said I was asking so many questions in succession that she didn't have the time to think about what she thought about the last question. I didn't realize I was moving fast. But I should have politely interrupted her to ask, "Are we still talking about what you originally wanted to talk about?" or, "Do you want to switch gears on this conversation or save this for another coaching session?" It would have displayed care but also slowed us down and then given her control over the direction of the conversation.

The Direct Communication sessions have been some of the most helpful and freeing sessions in our PCC course. Several things have stuck with me. All of them relate well to the ICF Coaching Competencies. In this case, the client is experiencing an uncomfortable sensation, described like a whirlwind. As a coach practicing direct communication, I would use the following tools:

1. Describe what I am observing in the client and use the words, images and metaphors of the client. Hopefully, that would evoke a greater awareness within the client of the blockage they are experiencing that is preventing progress. (6.1, 6.2)

2. Another direct communication approach would involve both the what and the who of the client - inquiring further about what the client wants to accomplish in this particular session and how this feeling is impacting them as a whole person. (5.1, 5.2) The client's comment about not being able to "enjoy the moment" could be explored as the "what" and their experience of that could delve more deeply into the "who."

3. Challenging questions that help the client move beyond the current situation could be employed to help the client explore life after this circumstance. (7.2, 7.3)

Newer areas and tools of Direct Communication that I haven't used or was cautious to use include sharing personal experiences and making suggestions. These are both definitely direct, but really discouraged at the ACC level, so I still find myself hesitant in this form of direct communication with clients. I'm totally onboard with both of these direct strategies when offered at face value and with the permission of the client. I'm going to try to incorporate these tools and direct approaches into my coaching practice with existing clients and see how it goes. In part, I just have to become more comfortable with being direct. Radical candor will be a step further!

I am grateful for this post, and all of the valuable tools it offers in the art of direct communication. As someone who sometimes struggle with direct communication, I found this to be very helpful, especially the tool of empathy and presence. I would have never considered empathy and presence as tools for direct communication. This is helpful...because true connection requires empathy - the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.... requiring us to step outside of our own experience and inhabit, even for a brief moment, the reality of someone else.

I was thrown by this comment when I first read it (and still confused even after reading it several times). I think that Direct Communication would be helpful in various ways if I were to encounter this language in a coaching session. First, I would ask for clarification: "In your language I sense so many energies, some of which may be bumping into one another: tell me more!" Second, if we're working on the assumption that coachees know how to resolve the situations they bring to us, I would want to explore that phrase: "I can't identify it now." That sounds like a self-limiting belief, and with patient affirmation, there might be a breakthrough in that area. Finally, if the vagueness of the language was part of a much longer, meandering meditation, maybe there would be room for a well-timed interruption: an action to break the narrative flow and bring much needed focus.



In terms of competencies to be employed, I think 6.2, 6.3 and 6.7 would be helpful: trying to get to clarity through a lot of uncertainty. Also, 7.2,3,4 and 5 emphasize the value of questions that invite the client to move BEYOND current thinking and feeling. 7.6 affirms the importance of clear, direct questions, which also model a way of thinking that is able to identify the source(s) of confusion the coachee may be feeling.



I would say that an area of Direct Communication that is new to me (when contrasted with my ACC experience) involves the use of making suggestions. I can see how this approach would need to be used sparingly so as not to inhibit a coachee's pathway to discovery. But there can be something liberating about saying: "May I offer a suggestion?"

I'd want to let the client use his/her own words, and yet also try to find some summary words. An example might be, "I hear you saying this is hard to define. You used the word 'whirlwind' - what does that feel like to you?" and "When was another time you felt that way?" and "Imagine this may not be the only time in life you'll feel stuck. What do you hope to learn from this to apply in future situations?"



In all of this, we're being fully present and helping the client follow his/her own hunches. It does feel new to "go for it" at this level versus the ACC level.