5 phrases to use when coaching
Good coaching is shaped by one's ability to ask good questions. Effective coaches draw out a client's wisdom and call forth new possibilities. I track which questions and phrases that I use in coaching situations and note which ones seem to work particularly well. Five of my favorites include:
1 |"TELL ME YOUR OPTIONS"
This statement always leads to new awareness and exploration of options that have not been previously considered. A similar statement I use is 'What else have you considered?" These statements empower people to be more solution-oriented and to find ways to address ways to address their greatest challenges. It moves clients beyond choosing the easiest option or one that has been used in the past.
2 | “UNPACK THAT FOR ME”
This statement, similar to "tell me more," is great for helping clients clarify plans and add more details to what they've been thinking about. It sheds wisdom on one's assumptions and approaches along with insights about what they're thinking and feeling. This statement provides the backstory behind the situations people are experiencing.
3 | “HELP ME UNDERSTAND”
This is a good statement to use when you’re trying to understand the logic behind a client's ideas, thoughts, or actions. It often sheds light on one's values and motivations. It also helps coaches confirm whether or not they are accurately tracking what clients are seeking to communicate.
4 |"IS THERE A REASON"
This phrase is very similar to "help me understand" and I use it to gain greater understanding of a client's decision-making process and the criteria for selecting one option over another. It's much more effective than asking "Why . . . ?" Why questions sound accusatory and may result in clients becoming defensive or defending a position that may not be in their best interest.
5 | “WHAT'S YOUR GUT TELLING YOU”
This phrase forces people to tap into their feelings and see situations from new perspectives. It helps clients name what angers or energizes them, what brings them joy or delight, and help them validate some of the things they are yearning for in life and ministry yet can't adequately describe from a rational perspective.
Question: What other “coaching phrases” have you found helpful? Which phrases would make up your "top five" list?
1 |"TELL ME YOUR OPTIONS"
This statement always leads to new awareness and exploration of options that have not been previously considered. A similar statement I use is 'What else have you considered?" These statements empower people to be more solution-oriented and to find ways to address ways to address their greatest challenges. It moves clients beyond choosing the easiest option or one that has been used in the past.
2 | “UNPACK THAT FOR ME”
This statement, similar to "tell me more," is great for helping clients clarify plans and add more details to what they've been thinking about. It sheds wisdom on one's assumptions and approaches along with insights about what they're thinking and feeling. This statement provides the backstory behind the situations people are experiencing.
3 | “HELP ME UNDERSTAND”
This is a good statement to use when you’re trying to understand the logic behind a client's ideas, thoughts, or actions. It often sheds light on one's values and motivations. It also helps coaches confirm whether or not they are accurately tracking what clients are seeking to communicate.
4 |"IS THERE A REASON"
This phrase is very similar to "help me understand" and I use it to gain greater understanding of a client's decision-making process and the criteria for selecting one option over another. It's much more effective than asking "Why . . . ?" Why questions sound accusatory and may result in clients becoming defensive or defending a position that may not be in their best interest.
5 | “WHAT'S YOUR GUT TELLING YOU”
This phrase forces people to tap into their feelings and see situations from new perspectives. It helps clients name what angers or energizes them, what brings them joy or delight, and help them validate some of the things they are yearning for in life and ministry yet can't adequately describe from a rational perspective.
Question: What other “coaching phrases” have you found helpful? Which phrases would make up your "top five" list?
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34 Comments
Other coaching phrases:
1. How is your life of prayer?
2. What do you believe about _____?
3. Make up a story about _____.
4. What are the benefits/risks of _____?
5. What scares you about _____?
6. What would happen if _____?
7. And then what?
Top five:
1. What other ways might you _____?
2. What does it look/feel like to _____? What would it look/feel like to not _____?
3. What are you learning about yourself?
4. Tell me more about that.
5. What keeps you from _____?
What is preventing you from ....?
What is your struggle?
How does that feel?
What are you hoping for? Tell me about what life looks like when you solve/achieve ...
I don't really have a top 5 list. My approach to coaching is to stay present to the person and respond in the moment rather than trying to pull from a list that I've created. That being said, I'm sure that over time I'll develop patterns and top 5's in my coaching, but right now I'm not finding the idea of question lists to be a good approach for my coaching.
Some coaching phrases I've found helpful include:
- Tell me more about ...
- Imagine yourself doing ...
- That seems important to you ...
- I noticed X reaction when you talked about Y ...
I am really interested in that last statement. I think observing body language and mirroring that back to the person has the potential to be extremely powerful. Sometimes we may not even notice when we are having a physical reaction, or we choose not to notice it, and this could be a very powerful tool for helping people recognize that something is going on in them.
Very good insight, Nathan. The last statement from Jessie above has the potential to be a very powerful tool especially if the client does not to be aware of their non-verbal response. Will need to keep this in mind.
Jessie, I appreciate how your response isn't 5 questions...but 5 Complete this sentence. This obviously avoids any yes/no answers, and it also allows them the freedom to expend on your thought. Like Nathan, I was struck by the last statement. I've been 'caught' in not controlling my non-verbal responses, which have unfortunately reflected my negative response to the person speaking to me. This has immediately eliminated any opportunity for me to ask clarifying questions and has put the other person on the defense. Such situations have taught me the importance of being aware of non-verbal cues and of how certain people 'press our buttons'.
* Where is your voice in this situation?
* Who has (the most) power in this situation?
* What would you do if you were on the other side of the situation?
* If you had all the time and all the resources what would you do?
* What brings you joy and lifts your soul?
* Where do you
Saeed, I am drawn to two questions in particular:
1. Who has the most power?
2. What brings you joy and lifts your soul?
I can see the first being very powerful if a client is stuck in a victim mode or feels what I call "trapped". Powerful in that the question can lead to further questions and in the end perhaps the client coming to the truth that they do have power.
The second question I ask often and I find it surprising how often people/clients respond, "I don't know, I haven't thought about it." Then the follow up questions happens which can help illumine a new perspective or evoke a new awareness.
Thanks for sharing!
Other coaching phrases.....
1. How do you see God in all of this?
2. What question do you think I should ask you?
3. What is life-giving right now?
4. Where is your heart leading you at this moment?
5. If you had all the power in the world how would your life change?
Bill, Your questions are so deep and yet I can definitely how they allow the client to know you are invested in knowing what is truly important to them. Allowing them to state this, offers them the opportunity to better know their deepest values which best will lead them forward in a more authentic manner.
I agree with Mary. The questions are deep. I am drawn to the question "What question do you think I should ask you?" This really gets at the idea that the client is the expert! Often times I wonder if others are just waiting to be asked the question they are afraid to ask of themselves. I can see how this question could be transformational. I will put this in my bag of questions.
Bill, these questions are profoundly evocative. I am adding the first three to my master questions list. Thanks for sharing.
Questions I like:
If you could wave a magic wand, what would you have happen?
One a scale of 1-10, how invested/satisfied/committed are you?
What don't you know that you don't know?
My top 5:
Tell me more?
What is a first step?
What would happen if you did/didn't do that?
1. What other resources (persons, possessions, etc...) could you call on?
2. What are you passionate about?
3. What's the one thing you need to do right now?
4. Name some of the positives in this situation...
5. What happens if you do nothing?
I love the question, what happens if you do nothing. It opens the client to see possible assumption that they have not realized they might have in the back of their mind.
These are great phrases and invite really interesting ways of thinking that I had not considered before. For me the phrases that really stick out are those that invite people to do some dreaming. "Paint a picture of your best future." "Say more about ..." "Where would you like to be?" "Are there other options?" When you envision the future, what does it look like?"
I am beginning to see that there are many ways to get under the surface and help folks think more creatively and honestly about what they want and how they might get there. I wonder if sometimes having several different phrases that ask the same question might be helpful since some clients might connect better different language.
I agree with you Nathan that having a variety of questions available gives the coach options especially when a first attempt does not resonate with a particular client. I personally like the idea of variety-I'm still trying to get my 'go-to' questions down, but I can imagine for my own style needing variety over the years to stay fresh and engaged.
Nathan, I too am drawn to questions that invite folks to do some dreaming and imagining. Can be very powerful.
Through our class demonstrations and triad practice session I've been BOTH amazed at the revelations that arise out of the client when right questions have been asked, and how the coach's listening skills allowed them to ask questions which seem to fall in step with the client's musing...dance steps they take in response to the clients lead.
I feel to 'green' to come up with a Top 5 List already, so I'll give my best stab at the request.
1)
Sorry about the split response...must have (once again) hit the 'enter' key before I was done.
1) Help me better understand your response to X's words/actions?
2) What is another way to express you idea?
3) What would feel like a good ending to this situation?
4) What may prevent you from taking the next step?
5) What advice would you give me, if you were the coach?
I'm not sure I have a "top 5", especially after reading the richness of other's answers. One question that has been posed to me in being coached is: Where is the truth in what you just said? follow up, what is not true of the situation?
1. What is true? What is not?
2. If you had the power in this situation what would you do?
3. What question do you think I need to ask you? (love this one so I adopted it)
4. What is energizing to you about __________? Flip side, what is draining your energy?
5. How have you experienced God's grace in this situation?
Amelia,
I really appreciate the idea of digging into truth, not just feelings. Which is why I like your first two questions: What is true and what isn't?. Also, as we dig into a client's preferred future potential it's important to tap into what energizes them, so your question about what brings energy is spot on.
I agree with Mary. The questions are deep. I am drawn to the question "What question do you think I should ask you?" This really gets at the idea that the client is the expert! Often times I wonder if others are just waiting to be asked the question they are afraid to ask of themselves. I can see how this question could be transformational. I will put this in my bag of questions.
That is a powerful question Amelia. I am curious if that question might actually stump the coachee. However, I do think this question can lead to deeper thinking and evoke some new awareness.
Most questions I ask are typically intuitive and in the moment, but I like the idea of having some additional key questions or phrases that could be set aside for quick interjections. For example, “how were you able to tackle ____,” “how did it feel when _____ happened,” “what are you feeling now,” or “what’s the plan.” However, I think these are only applicable in situations that call for this type of response.
This question requires some additional brainstorming to develop my thinking and construct some positive phrases that help get to the heart of the issue, something that will also take time and experience to further develop.
Possible questions.
In all you said what do you hear yourself saying?
How does what you just said make you feel?
What gets you excited in what you just said?
What doesn’t sit with you well in what you just said?
1. What would be the benefit if oyu accomplish this goal?
2. What happens if you take no action?
3. If you looked into a magical crystal ball, what would the future look like?
4. What is your preferred future?
5. Where is God in this?
I think these 5 are good. Mine might swap out or add:
1. Where do you see God at work in this?
2. What might be your next most faithful step towards your goal/desire?
3. What mindset limits are keeping you from moving forward?
I like the question, is there a reason... instead of using just why? I have a memory from my childhood when an adult asked me my name and I answered Wendy, why... and then the adult said, Wendy Why, I would like to speak to your parent. This woman was not happy with me and my why question became my last name. So, why does come off accusatory.
My top 5
Where does that land in your heart?
Tell me more
What else have you thought about?
What one thing can you do to move forward?
How is God leading you in this?
These are great questions - I like how open they are invite someone to go deeper. I am still building my list but gravitate towards phrases like: paint me a picture . Say more about that. Who will you invite to hold you accountable?
A few questions that I find myself using are:
What other ideas do you have?
When did you first notice this concern?
What would you like to do?
What is stopping you?
Other coaching phrases ... risk/rewards, other ways to accomplish goals, seeking to understand or be understood, most important to you, and how do you see God in this.
Top Five:
1. What do you believe should happen?
2. What was that like for you?
3. What might you learn from this situation?
4. What experiment could you do this week to test your idea(s)?
5. Who are you listening to?
1. Tell me more
2. Expand on that thought
3. Other possibilities
4. If there were endless amounts of resources then what could be
5. Thoughts on God's guidance